𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐞 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 | 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐞𝐰𝐨𝐧 ✓

{ 4 }

Chapter 4 — My Mother

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Sometimes my father goes off on rants and ramblings talking about my mother. And I know from these that I wouldn't have gotten on well with her.

For starters, she was a very reserved person and kept close to her inner circle of minions and demons that she'd had for decades, even staying clear of my father for years, until she finally gave up and let him love her. He sometimes jokes he was almost ready to kidnap her, but I'm the only one who doesn't laugh at that story, I wonder how much of a bitch did my mother have to be, to be that rude to people. But then again, I reflect on my own actions and my own thoughts and feelings... And what I feared has finally come true.

I've became the very thing I loathed.

I need to stop getting distracted, what I originally wanted to say was that liking someone isn't as easy as it first seems. Well, like liking someone.
"Having a crush" that's the easy way to say it, right? How does someone know what that feels like?
Do you just wake up one morning and decide or does it take time?
How do you know?
What do you do?
All the pointless questions and bullshit that doesn't really matter, but it can mean the world in those few moments. And God forbid, God forbid you say something wrong or the teasing goes that little bit too far and suddenly they joke that you hate them.

Funny thing is, you don't hate them, you like them more than they realise.

That was me with a certain Nakamura Kazuha.

So sweet, so nice— But so... Distant.

Probably because of the language barrier you fucking idiot.

Sometimes I wish that I actually got severe hanahaki that day and died.

Sometimes I wish that I could feel those dandelion petals building up in my throat, and softly pierce the skin as they fall up and out of my mouth along with the blood they brought along with them.

But of course, I'm just fucking lucky to be alive.

It's easy to speculate and say: "Well what if that happened?" Because you don't actually know a lot of the time, sure you can speculate and guess all you want but it's not quite the same.

Eunchae, Kazuha and I had become a quaint little friend group, in the library... mostly on our own. Kazuha had her fans and Eunchae and I had zero care in the world as we'd often glare at them until they let Kazuha eat her sandwich in peace.

I have zero tolerance for people who are just rude out of nowhere.

I'm getting sidetracked again.

Kazuha reminds me a lot of the stories my father used to tell me about my mother. Seems like Kazuha might just be the reincarnation of that horrid woman. Well, that's a half insult to me since I look identical to what she looked like at my age, but still.

I used to love looking through old photo albums of my mother and seeing her, all dressed up at some ballet competition in London, Paris, Rome and other places with several medals, a tiara, a sash and a bouquet of flowers. Now, I do the same, but, it never feels the same, it never fills me with joy looking at what an amazing person my mother probably was because I'm clouded with so much bad taste and judgement surrounding her.

Gosh, even thinking about Kazuha has these damned petals lurking up my throat once again. As I mentioned, everyone thirsts over Kazuha so I'm not alone on this feeling.

Again, I'm a little all over the place, so let's rewind a little.

Hong Eunchae, Nakamura Kazuha.

I thought I was lucky enough to have one crush at a time; whether it was Huh Yunjin, Lee Chaeyeon, Jung Wonyoung, Kwon Eunbi or any other female classmate I have had the opportunity to meet, but now I was stuck with two.

Two girls.
One of which was straight.
Yay.

Eunchae was a quick heartbreak, similar to how Yunjin dealt with me, except we still stayed friends. It was awkward afterwards, sure, but hearing those cursed words leave Eunchae's lips surprisingly didn't hurt as much as I thought it did.

"I think it would be better if we just stay friends Chaewon." She sighed, guilt flooding her eyes as she began to tear up. I only nodded in response, looking to the floor.
"You gonna be okay? I'll still stick by your side, but... I don't know if I can return your feelings."
"Could you just give me a moment?"
"Sure." She breathed out, standing with her head hung low beside our usual table at the library, while I disappeared to the bathroom, pouring the contents of my stomach out in the closest toilet to the door.

"DAMN YOU OKAY?" I heard a voice screech from behind me, followed by the sounds of several makeup brushes clashing against the floor. The mystery girl held my hair behind my ears, even though my hair was short, I still appreciated the gesture anyway.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I spluttered out between coughs. The girl gave me some tissue and I turned to thank her and flush the toilet.

Lets just say if I wanted to throw myself out of the nearest window when I bumped into Kazuha, I wanted the floor to become sentient and swallow me whole when I turned around and saw none other than Miyawaki Sakura. I don't know how the fuck I didn't register her voice, but I slowly smiled to her and bowed as a thank you before getting up.
"Hey, are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah I'm sure."
"Who rejected you?"
"Excuse me?" Yeah, I might've sounded a bit rude there, but who asks someone (who's busy coughing up a portion of their blood supply) who caused said person to cough up— you get the point.

I just stood up and dusted my skirt off before walking back to Eunchae, whom was rigorously wiping her eyes.
"Oh Eunchae..." I pouted and pulled her into a hug, which she quickly returned, blubbering out various apologies as she clung onto me.

Cute...

Wait— SHIT.

I may have ruined our little moment by pushing her away and coughing into a tissue I was holding. I could hear Eunchae's soft giggles, followed by a little whine afterwards.