𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐞 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 | 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐞𝐰𝐨𝐧 ✓

{ 2 }

Chapter 2 — First Loves

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I would say Yunjin was my first love, as you can never seem to forget them after all
you've been through.

After my aunt, my father gave me a few tips on how I could avoid hanahaki, but I never seemed to pay attention, until he mentioned surgery.
"I can always get it for you if you want."
"I'm good dad, I'd rather cough up a few flowers than be emotionless forever."
"I'm being serious, hanahaki isn't just coughing up flowers, did you see your aunt!?"
"I did see her but I don't want to be a robot for the rest of my life like my mother!"
Yikes. That was a nerve I didn't need to hit.

My mother got hanahaki surgery based off of a mistake when she was younger, a mistake that almost gave my father the same fate.

I'm not sure how couples live together after they both get surgery, but my father refuses to get it because after my mother killed herself, he knew he would never love again.

Killed herself? You heard correctly.

It was because she held so much guilt, guilt over knowing my father loves her but she could never bring herself to love him back because of the surgery. She had to lie saying that she was happy living in a dream world. Their relationship just meant that my father could never confess. Of course she had a lot of guilt, but it wasn't until I was born did she take her life, because there's no cure to emotionlessness after surgery, you're not able to love again. Ever.

Hanahaki only sprouts from romantic love, but there's no way to physically separate romantic and platonic love during surgery— My mother thought there was, but she was wrong. She realised she could never genuinely love something she called a miracle, and so she killed herself in hopes she'd make the pain less harsh on me.

I guess she was right, it was less harsh on me. But since I looked identical to her when I was younger, not knowing or asking about her, made my father crumble.

People living in a state of euphoria could disagree, because they're blinded with such bullshit like 'True Love' that it doesn't matter if you're choking on flower petals or trying to have sex with someone that isn't even capable of love.

Yunjin was my first love, she was also the first realisation that I don't know anything about love.

"Hey Chae!"
"Hey Yunjin!"
"How are you doing today?"
"Pretty good, you?"
"Yeah alright." She smiled at me, making me realise I was deeper in delusion than I thought, because she probably wasn't in fact smiling at me, she was probably sighing because she was up all night either studying or being fucking perfect at everything.
"Chae?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't you have your meet up with Eunchae at the library?"
"Oh... yeah" Y'know, walking away that day was certainly interesting, because I evidently became closer with another girl I knew, Hong Eunchae, and I was so desperate to get back to Yunjin I was practically ignoring poor Eunchae half of the time I was there.

"Chaewon are you alright?"
"Shit— sorry."
"Language Miss Kim!"
"Sorry!" I really shouldn't swear in the library, but I was busy daydreaming about Yunjin and our future dates and kids... never mind, scratch the kids. Anyway, I was so caught up with Miss Huh Yunjin, I was ignoring my future love interest, but it's still too early for Eunchae now, isn't it?

Going back to Yunjin, she usually meets me at this one café after school but because I'm studying with Eunchae, that won't happen for a while. Come to think of it, I hadn't hung out with her for a few months now. It makes sense. Thinking that I would be capable of comprehending what came next, but for the interest of time let me tell you about my first heartbreak.

I promise, this story won't be all over the place too much more. Since it was so long ago my memory starts to get fuzzy.

It was a Sunday. A few weeks after I'd left Yunjin to go study with Eunchae in the library. Funnily enough, it was the same story as my father used to tell me how he met my mother.

I had managed to catch Yunjin in the park walking home with a bag filled with goods from the little café I was just talking about and she looked happy to see me, at least until I blurted everything out.
"Yunjin...?"
"What's up Chae? Is something wrong?"
"I think I love you!"
"What?"
"I... Think that I... Love you?"
"I'm sorry this is all just so sudden... I..."
"What? What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry Chaewon... I don't feel the same way"

Oh... Oh...

In that kind of situation, there was nothing I could really do but stand there, nod softly and run back home before the tears... And flower petals, start to kick in. Yunjin could have called after me, or maybe she didn't, I was too blinded by the tears. I could feel the flowery feeling in my stomach start to rise, my head feeling as if it was stuck on a carousel, spinning around and around until I was screaming for it to stop. It didn't, but what could I say?

Thankfully I was home alone, so no one could watch me as I violently started coughing up dandelion petals, soaked in the blood that was also pouring out of my mouth. I knew what was happening, and I knew that I was never going to do it again. Turns out, after a few hours that I was fine. I managed to focus my breathing and made sure it was stable, then slowly started to pull away from the bin and wiped my mouth, with only one, crystal clear thought in my mind:

Fuck. Huh. Yunjin.

Of course I couldn't avoid her, I would be stupid to believe in something like that, but when I saw her the next morning I had to act like I got the surgery, no one knew if your crush wasn't that severe and you just 'Calmed Down', you could overcome it. I kept a blank face and sat alone, carrying tissues around just incase I thought about how captivating she was and a few dandelion petals snuck their way up and out of my throat, but that was the small, inconvenient price that I had to pay in order to either not die or become a robot forever.

Once someone had surgery, there was no saving them, that's how if you want to change your mind, you have to make it quick, unfortunately that never happens.