Soloists

Part 1 Gosia #5

I warmed up in the hallway, pacing along the chairs, watching the girls who, like me, were waiting for their turn. There were girls from all over the world, presenting all kinds of dance styles, from classical through folk to modern and othe styles the names of which I did not even know. Among the candidates to Peter's team were also a few that I knew from the stage, from school and from work. I talked to some of them and met a few new people, including a Greek girl named Eleftheria. God, what a beautiful name that means: "free", "independent". That's what I'll be when I free away all my fears and start living my dreams.

I should have done a pole warm-up and stretched, but instead I went to the end of the hallway, put on one headset so I wouldn't miss what was happening at the audition, turned on my beloved Clannad, and started dancing. I felt so free, independent, full of positive energy. I kept dancing, until I felt out of breath, then I leaned against the wall and peeked out into the hallway where I saw Agnieszka. I had no idea how long she had been looking at me, but when she smiled, I decided to erase the previous impression at all costs and I bared my teeth.

"Do I have a problem interacting with normal people? - I asked myself in the spirit feeling that it was my dorky smile that amused my interlocutor again. 

Fortunately, I didn't have to to think of a way to save myself, because she quickly hid back into the room. I took a breath. It thinned out, so I ran to my bag, threw in my headphones and decided to do a little band-aid workout.

"At least I'll have a clear conscience that I did everything I should to prepare properly." - I fought.

When I finished I felt a lump in my stomach. I was starting to be scared. I sat down so I wouldn't throw up from nervousness. When the last girl before me went into the room I was short of breath, and when she came out, I thought I was dying. But death was about to come when I crossed the threshold of this room.

************

- Fuck - I cursed loudly when I lifted my eyes and saw her - Helena HerHighness Koterbinska.

My brain was certainly registering everything that was happening: a snort right behind me that must have come from Agnieszka Duke's mouth, the bewildered face of the respectable gray-haired, extremely likable gentleman in a gray suit, and the undeniable interest on the face of Peter Duke himself. Unfortunately, none of these images or sounds could not break the wave of thoughts that ran like lightning through my head. "What is she doing here? Am I that unlucky? This woman is my curse! I can't dance when she's here! I might as well leave right now. But why did I come all this way? Why all the effort? Should I give up now? I'm supposed to throw away my life chance because in the past an under-stuffed dryad took her frustrations out on me? 

I felt a panic attack coming on. Dry mouth, hazy vision, nausea. Then I remembered the words of the therapist I went to when the attacks started back in ballet school. She advised me that at such moment I should try to bring up some positive memory, something that my mind could hang on to for a while. So I forced the memory area of my brain to work to get anything I could think about to keep myself consious. And suddenly, in front of my eyes I saw the green-eyed Tomasz himself and his lustful eyes.

"Oh, no! Now? Really?" I tried to shake off that memory and latch onto another one, because after all, this one wasn't positive, was it? Surely? And then I realized that the nausea had subsided, my heart was beating normally, my breathing had returned mormally, and all I could feel was a little anger and the urge to kick someone's ass. That's it! I handled with a horny asshole whose green eyes still seemed to be very sexy and captivating... "Oh yeah - I thoughy - "That's what you should do now. Think about the pervert's eyes again!"

"But wait - I looked around. - Whe am I here? Ah, yes. My greatest enemy is about to watch my failure? Oh no viper! Today you will see my victory. Agnieszka Duke had given me a chance. And hem, my idol, was now sitting in front of me and looked interested, despite several hours of watching of more or less talented dancers. I will take this chance!"