Soloists

Part 1: Gosia #2

After dancing the last part, I ran into the dressing room and grabbed my phone to order a cab. I talked to the operator, while packing my bag. At the train station, I ran to the where, to my surprise and unimaginable happiness, I managed to buy a ticket for the Pendolino. Sitting on the platform and eating sweet bun that I had bought a moment earlier in the station shop, my store a moment earlier, my thoughts went back to the past and made analysis of almost all my dancing life.

A ten-year-old skinny girl stood before a committee that would evaluate physical aptitude and musicality. From the age of four I had danced in many companies, under the guidance of various instructors. The shouting and the effort were familiar to me, but the first contact with these strangers made me nauseous. I was a confident girl, with dreams and plans that were to be crushed over the next years were to be crushed. The simultaneous study of school subjects The simultaneous study of school subjects and those connected with dance as well as some people found it quite an effort, while I was doing well in everything. I was talented, which Gnotkiewicz himself confirmed. Already in my second year I was supposed to dance in the graduation show of the oldest class, and since I was the best in my class Koterbinska chose me for this task. I was happy. However, during the rehearsal before the show I panicked and couldn't cope with the simplest parts. Koterbinska got furious and called me me in front of everyone. In my defense then stood Robert, the best dancer of the school, a model and an ideal dancer, stood up for me. He took took my hand and tried to calm me down. I don't know what he said to Koterbinska, because my sobs drowned out everything, I only saw her surprised eyes. He went out into the corridor with me and told me then a sentence that accompanies me in bad moments: "Today you will dance in your graduation performance, you second-grader. Know your worth and always dance as if your life depended on it". That evening was mine, and even though Koterbinska reproached me for my "emotional instability" for the next seven years in my memory as the most beautiful one.

Now I was going to audition for the best theater in Poland. I was auditioning for Peter Duke - a man whose work I respected and appreciated. I felt like I felt before this play fourteen years ago. Excited, but also panicked. I could use a Robert like that right now to cheer me up.

- I think you're sitting in my seat.

I was pulled out of my reverie by a male voice. - This is number seventeen, right? - He continued, and when I looked up, there in front of me was a green-eyed

'Beautiful,' I thought, and it took a long moment before I realized I was making buttery eyes at him. He tilted his head to the side and grunted, which snapped me out of my amok.

- Uh, I'll check right now," I muttered, reaching into my pocket for the ticket.

'How embarrassing' - I thought, punishing myself in my mind for the behaviour of a teenage girl.

- I didn't know avatar technology was so advanced - said the gray-haired man, and the man sitting across from him laughed. Seeing my confusion, he added, "Your avatar is phenomenal.

I handed him the ticket I had found in the back pocket of my pants and then it came to me: a blue hand flashed before my eyes and I felt myself blush to the tips of my fingers.

'God, how could I forget I was wearing makeup! How am I going to wash this off, here on the train?' Panic gripped my body from sweaty palms to nausea.

The man shifted his amused gaze to my ticket, he nodded and handed it back to me saying:

- Your seat is 18 - I was already tearing myself from the seat, but he held out his hand in a reassuring gesture and added: - I will sit in your seat, no problem.

When he sat down opposite me, I looked at him. He was slim, but well-built, with muscles under his shirt, which I preferred to look away from because it made me hot. When I looked at his face, I thanked the makeup that he couldn't see the beetroot blush I'd been doused with. The well-defined jaw hidden by a few days of stubble moved in such a way that my world flashed. I lifted gaze to the lips stretched in a slight smile and turned my eyes towards the window. In the glass I noticed that he was looking at me from under eyelashes that were too long for a man. God! Since when do I pay attention to such details? It started when the Olympic gods ride the train. After all, it's freaking Apollo! Registering his eyes reflecting in the glass, I decided to pretend I didn't see him. Am I fifteen years old? What's going on? There were a million thoughts and each one around him.

- From the play or for the play? - he asked suddenly, and all thoughts immediately flew away like a flock of birds. - I think it was rather the first one - he added after a while seeing my puzzled look. - Are you going to Warsaw on an urgent matter?

I looked into his eyes and I already knew that I should not have done it. Two emeralds were drilling into me, and I didn't know where to hide.

- You can answer, I won't follow you - he whispered, leaning toward me.

I smelled the delicate scent of musk and a fruity orange note that made my head spin. I immediately thought, that I was after a two-hour performance and I must surely smell sweat. I pressed my back against the backrest of the seat hoping that he didn't sense it, and seeing his anticipation, I whispered:

- Yes, to Warsaw on urgent business - God, what an intelligent answer. 

I had never yet run out of words, well except for the conversation with Koterbinska, who intimidated me so much that I turned into a pillar of salt, usually one who obeying all the orders to the best of his ability in order to avoid her lizard's gaze. This time I felt the same, and yet different. Why was this green-eyed man so intimidating to me? Intimidated? What am I talking about! He completely threw me off  balance!

"Shake it off." - I said in my mind to myself. - "You need to come back to logical thinking, because you've made enough a fool of yourself."

I shook my head, seeing his amusement, took a deep breath and decided to take the conversation to a higher level. I took another breath and at that moment I saw, the recipient of my conversation from a higher level, put on his headphones and turned his gaze to the glass.

"You showed!" - I shouted at myself in my mind and closed my eyes, hoping that sleep would come quickly.