Hxh X Reader

Sayfish (Phinks)

n. A sincere emotion that seems to wither into mush as soon as you try to put it into words— like reeling in a shimmering beast from the deep only to watch it wriggle limply on the line, which makes you want to leave it down there, languishing unexpressed, where it'll grow dark and slender and weird, with ghostly blue eyes and long translucent teeth.
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-Soft yandere
-Depressive thoughts (Harsh-truth)
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« The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars. »
                                               –– On The Road.

The sky was long gone, replaced by a sea of comforting darkness. It is in the warming sea that I would find my heart, alas through immorality and injustice.

This town is simply too small for my mind, and too big for a single soul to inhabit it alone. Innocence and a hindmost glimmer of faith pushed me to leave my house for the night, pushing my cowardice to the side for the gentle breeze.

A woman should fear the night, that's what everyone says. I feared not the men and the crimes, I feared that the darkness would swallow me whole, leaving no path back home. There is no such thing as not having a home, not having this comforting shell of protection. I am not one to curl up into a ball, but the real world always scared me; I simply can't understand it. Though my cowardice meant not doing anything, to some it meant to refuse to do something. All I knew was that this shell of mine was this forbidden sanctuary to the rest of the world and that if I left it, I wouldn't be able to endure the harshness of the world.

The cruel, horrific truth of the why'd and how'd.

I stepped foot outside, dressed lightly for the gloomy summer air, a mere feather white dress and comfortable shoes. I did not care for my appearance much and yet people always referred to me as an angel. The pretty, quiet and polite angel no one befriends or talks much to.

By logic, I am perhaps better defined as a shadow.

I gazed forward for a time, taking in the outside world's atmosphere, feeling drawn to the heavy ground more than I felt inside my home. The trees danced softly with the wind, rustling ever so slightly to create a perfect melody to careen the animals' nests asleep. I looked away from the face of my house, unable to look at the city in the certain distance- not tonight.
I needed to be alone with the world.

I drifted on the sides of my garden, stepping down on the grass softly as though it would scream in pain if I did not, and made my way to the deserted paths behind. On my expedition, my white hound marched protectively alongside me. It was not uncommon for us to go out together at night since I did not have a particularly healthy scheduled day-to-night ratio. Just like me, he was never good with others of his kind.
Humans? Love them. Perhaps that's why we got along together so well... he was good with humans and I was good with animals, none of us truly liking our own species. I did not mind it, for it meant that he liked— loved me. As did I for his contagious happiness, his giddy personality, his wordless little muzzle, his blind appreciation for the world. If only... if only I could be as stupidly admiring of my world. Our world.

Tears prickled my eyes as I started running after him, suddenly faking a burst of happiness so to not let him see my sorrow. Not that he could make anything of it, only stare at me in wonder.
I ran, face facing the sky and it's gleaming flickers of heavenly finery. In that moment, it all felt right and I longed only to be absorbed by the otherworldly diamonds that dressed the sky.

It had not felt long enough when I faced mountains, which I climbed, afraid that I would find a city beyond, to my dismay.
It was-  not.
It was a cadavre spectacle of buildings, all very abandoned and silently screaming to stay away. Had I been alone, I would have walked down and visited the place but I decided to stick to a single building or two, caring too much about my only fluffy spark of joy in life.