I Liked You : Drafted

Part 6

I like you so much.

It hurts how much I like you, because I feel like I shouldn't like you at all.

Or at least that's what my friends have been saying, that I shouldn't like you.

From leaning on them for advice, I started to believe them.

But. Then I remembered why I like you.

Sure, we met on tinder. It makes me look like a [REDACTED] but I know I'm not a [REDACTED]. I got attracted to your personality aside from your looks.

Then, right after we kissed in your shower, it was almost like you tried to shake me away.

You're gonna have to try a little harder to make that work.

I started overthinking.

I started not believing I was who I was when we started talking: someone so incredibly confident in herself and in her creator that she is worthy.

Someone who wasn't afraid.

To this day, I still go back to it, that mindset.

Still that [REDACTED]. Been that [REDACTED].

But for now, I still believe I'm not worthy of anything.

Not worthy of love, especially.

This overthinking, whether it led me to the truth or not, I don't know.

I don't really know if I'm worthy of love.

I don't know if I'm worth what I've worked for.

I do know though, that it led me back to my anxiety.

Going into college, I was suffering from the worst anxiety of my life.

It made it hard to just go to the kitchen and eat breakfast with my roommate.

I had breakdowns more than 5 times a week, and they were never about the same issue.

Everything got worse when I moved to college, but got better when I found God.

Sad story aside, I started getting more anxious the more I talked to you.

I think a lot of this stems from not being able to talk to my parents about you without looking like a [REDACTED].

They don't understand online dating being used as a medium to meet people as opposed to getting laid.

I couldn't talk to my parents about anything growing up, so what's gonna make me start now?

My wedding is going to be a [REDACTED] hoot.

Still, anxiety on the rise, my rate of overthinking also shot up.

It made me feel like a burden.

I send maybe 5 snaps to you all day.

And I feel like a [REDACTED] burden to you.

I feel like I bother you.

I feel like you don't want to talk to me.

I feel like a "make a wish" cause or a dare to swipe right on me.

Might be a surprise to you, but that wouldn't be the first time it's happened.

I don't feel like you want me.

I don't feel like you want this, whatever we are.

I feel like you just want me for my body because you don't really know me.

I feel like you don't wanna know me.

I feel like you wanna use me for my anxious cause: as a [REDACTED].

I don't feel worthy of YOU.

It's okay though, not really going for your approval anyways.

Really going for God's approval here.

I know what love is.

I know God.

I know love.

[REDACTED], I think about you constantly.

I only say good things about you.

You're everything I ever wanted.

Okay, except for the lack of communication and the whole "feeling like a burden" part.

But I need you to figure out something for me.

What do you want?

What do you want with me?

Are we just wasting time?

I don't wanna [REDACTED] around [REDACTED].

I don't want to be spending my time with you if you don't want to spend yours with me.

So, now that you know.

Stop [REDACTED] around with me. Be real with me.

If you wanna cut me off, do it.

But be a man and tell me why you're doing it.

If you wanna keep me, do it.

I want to show you love.

But I need you to make a move.

Take a step in any direction you want.

The ball is in your court.