i'm still here .

fateful tragedy. spiral into madeness ( CH. 4 )

After all the events of the server, hell was nothing compared to this place. The flag stayed torn, different each time from a new broken leader to fall into place. The insanity crawled deep into people's skin, and torn away at their mind. Everyone was lost. Nobody could be found. The thought of the server brought memories you never wanted to relive, that you never wanted to see relive back. Everyone here was depressed, lonely, or insane. That was the simple term of the place. Your relationships with a friend or significant other went to rot. This place wasn't made for such a thing. You lost every bit of happiness you had. So much for happy endings.

But Ranboo? There was no worry. Of course, his memory book was a way to relive the pain, the sorrow of this server. It was a dark place that he liked to think of as his mind, which swirled back and forth with the boiling horizon of the new panic. But... His short-term was both a blessing, and a curse.

He couldn't remember anything. Not his family, himself. What he thought of and what had happened. No, he remembered nothing. It hurt so badly, to wake up and stare to yourself and the one next to you. The one you shared a body with was strange. And the person who gripped the sheets beside in a peaceful sleep was none other then a stranger of your husband.

But when you lived with short-term, you remembered nothing. The pain of this place, the pain you early had or received. What everyone had to experience could never taunt you... If you forgot about it.

Ah... But death. Such a sweet word, wasn't it?

We often mistake it. Sometimes, it's forced upon us. You live a simple life, nothing filled with dread. Maybe it was... But murderers take it from you. Maybe you were fortunate to live a long life and die peacefully knowing you had all that time here.

But here? The server was a murderer. It robbed you of everything. It robbed you of your very existence. It robbed you of a will to live.

If it taking your happiness wasn't enough, then being here certainly made you want to die. Then it really was a hell. Because it made you lose everything.

‘ Death, huh? Death is like... Water. Strange huh? Water is still. It bestows so much beauty yet, so many nightmares. You have to be careful or it may swallow you whole. But if you're careful, you may avoid that pain. It looks pretty in hindsight... What am I saying... ’

Death was nothing more then that. It felt cramped in your throat. You collapsed in a heap, the water engulfing you whole. But the smile overtook everything.

Ranboo remembered nothing of his death. The pain of standing there before being suddenly shot. That was it. There was no going back.

Living as a ghost however? That was beautiful. You got the best there. Death... Death, with no worry. You had no pain. He never realized however, how much it brought to his peers.

His husband... And maybe one day, his son.