𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 (EDITING)

𝟑𝟔

emerson

The room felt strangely silent as I sat there, adjusting the camera, uncertain if it was even working. Robert had surprised me with this camera, and it was my first attempt at using it. "Oh, cool," I murmured to myself as I noticed the recording light flicker on. It was indeed working. Nervousness fluttered in my stomach as I realized I was about to record myself for the first time.

"Um, I'm going to sing something," I confessed to the camera, feeling a bit self-conscious. I reached for my guitar, fingers trembling slightly as I positioned it in my lap. "I wrote this song a few days ago." A deep breath filled my lungs as I strummed the guitar strings, feeling the familiar comfort of the instrument in my hands. "Also, this is my first time recording myself, so... yeah," I added, my voice laced with a hint of uncertainty.

I closed my eyes momentarily, centering myself before letting the melody flow from the strings.

As I sat in front of the camera, pouring my heart out in song, the lyrics seemed to echo my innermost feelings. "I've been hiding for so long. These feelings, they're not gone; can I tell anyone?" I sang softly, the words resonating with a hidden truth I'd held onto. Letting a smile grace my lips as I glanced at the camera. The vulnerability of sharing these thoughts out loud was both freeing and daunting.

"Afraid of what they'll say, so I push them away," I continued, my voice tinged with a mixture of hesitation and determination. Memories of a night in Paris flashed vividly in my mind, a pivotal moment that I couldn't shake off. "I'm acting so strange..." My voice trailed off, the strumming of the guitar matching the racing pace of my thoughts. The lyrics seemed to unravel a truth that I had tucked away for far too long.

"They're so pretty, it hurts. I'm not talking about boys... I'm talking about girls," I admitted, a smile gracing my face as the realization unfolded. Thoughts of Avery appeared in my mind, her image painting a vivid picture that resonated deeply with the words I sang. "They're so pretty with their button-up shirts," I vocalized, feeling a surge of emotions intertwined with the music. The honesty of the lyrics and the melody gave voice to the feelings I had kept hidden within me.

As I strummed the guitar faster, a mix of relief and nervousness flooded over me.

I paused my strumming, flipping over the page in my notebook before resuming. "I shouldn't feel this way, but it's too hard to resist," I sang softly, my voice carrying the weight of uncertainty. "Soft skin and soft lips," I continued, feeling a knot tighten in my throat. The melody lingered in the air as I confessed, "I should be into this guy, but it's just a waste of time... He's really not my type, I know what I like." Thoughts of Asher found their way into my mind, his smile and gaze imprinting vividly on my thoughts. I glanced back at the camera, grappling with the surreal nature of this moment.

"No, this is not a phase, or a coming-of-age," I crooned, wrestling with my own confusion. Why was I doing this? The song had been written long ago, but now, its meaning seemed to unfold in ways I hadn't anticipated. "They're so pretty, it hurts. I'm not talking about boys... I'm talking about girls," I sighed, my gaze wandering to the pictures above my desk, each image holding a story, a memory, and a piece of my evolving self.

"They're so pretty, it hurts. I'm not talking about boys... I'm talking about girls," I repeated, the words resonating with the depth of emotions swirling inside me. With a trembling hand, I flipped the paper over once more, a nervous gulp escaping my throat. As I softly strummed the chords on my guitar, I hesitated before letting the words escape my lips, "Cause I don't know what to do, it's not like I get to choose... Who I love."