So let me tell you bout one of the most recent things...even tho I don't like talking bout it.
But might as well I get it off my chest right ?
Anyway.
I have this "ex". Ion even know if I should call her an ex tbh cause she doesn't even refer to our relationship as a relationship.
How do I know this you ask ?
She's said it around me MANY times but ion even know if she noticed or not..anyway.
Even after we she broke up with me, we still talked..
She broke up with me cause she said "we were more like friends."
Yaw.
After a while when we broke up, we spoke as if nothing happened..but apparently she "cut me off."
W.e
I'm not gonna be in this whole "who cut who off first." Stuff
Here's the story.
After the breakup, we still talked and imma be honest and say that feelings were still there cause..no matter what I think or force my mind to say...she was the only person I knew that understood my whole "depression" and my anxiety attacks.
Out of topic...but I don't think I'm depressed. Doctors and therapists aren't always right.
Back to the story.
Yeah. So. We talked. Not like...that. But as friends but....the actions were different...ish.
So one day, on Kik, she sent me this paragraph...novella ? Essay ?
It was long.
And she was basically saying that the feelings were still there and that I WAS her "g4l"
Don't worry bout what it means cause it's all lies.
Anyway..
But that same weekend..like everything started to change....for me.
On sc, she started putting up vids bout "when you miss bae's first call cause you're on the phone with another nigga"
And she was talking bout this other boy too. So in my head, ion know maybe I was wrong...doesn't really matter now.
But in my head I was saying if she talking bout them like that, there are probably more and that means I'm just sitting in a corner in her life as a "go to when I'm bored" kinda person.
Ion know. That's what my mind was telling me.
So the whole thing had me not being myself tbh and I was trynna hide it.
I walked in skl and I didn't say anything to her.....like my title...and she knows that.
It's almost impossible for me to say out loud what's wrong with me...so I didn't ..couldn't say anything to her.
Walked passed her in the hallways and she stopped and asked. Still didn't say anything. Wanted to but I couldn't.
She seemed okay and everything so I guess she was fine with me not saying anything to her.
So, I went on insta and she had this long ass post bout letting shit go..
And yes.
There was a part about me.
Called me "a bitter ex"
Saying that I kissed her couple months ago and walk pass her like ion know her.
I kinda found that ironic tho.
The kiss part.
Made it seem as like I was the one who broke up with her.
Like I was the one who wasn't over somebody else while with another person.
Like I was the one who made her feel like there was a chance while she had other hoes lined up.
Like I was the one who didn't count our relationship as a relationship and said it in front of me.
Like I was the one who was sitting on her lap at a party, and as soon as this other nigga arrived, I zpretended like I didn't know who she was....
Bruh. My list could go on. But no.
She seemed fine with the whole "not talking to me thing" so...that's how it's gonna be ig.
And tbh. I even sent her back this long ass Kik message explaining to her...
Cause. As I said, it's hard talking bouty feelings. It took me almost a month to tell my therapist I was bi.
But she didn't read it or anything.
I tried.
I just deleted the message and did my thing.
Made no sense in trying anymore.
At least....lol nvm.
I try to block it out cause I didn't really matter to her in the first place soo. Idk.
Anyway.
I have a gf now....
And she's awesome.
I just really hope that nothing like that will happen to me.
Ion wanna say much cause ion wanna jinx anything
I'm serious
I only told a handful of people.
4/16/15
But yeah.
That's it for now. Imma go do some driving lessons. My instructor's gonna be here in like 7 minutes and I'm still in the bed.
Sorry to make you read so much
Date: 4/26/15
8:54 am
