Sometimes I wonder if I'm the messed up one.
Like. Most of the relationships I've been in.....
Well. Situations where I was going out with someone that I liked and actually thought liked me back just messes me up.
Ion know.
It just hurts.
I'm hurt.
Tired of being hurt.
I'm literally sick from it.
At this point, ion even wanna be in America anymore.
But at the same time, I can't go back to Jamaica.
Fuck.
Can I just evaporate ? Disintegrate ? Disappear ?
Ugh.
Like fr, why can't I be in a relationship where the other person cares as much as me while being there only for me.
.
.
.
I probably cried 4 times today.
Smn wid my gf....who at this point don't even know if....yeah.
Me and my bestfr were talking and she just mentioned stuff that fucked up my whole mood.
Came to my friend's sweet sixteen and someone tried talking to me and the memories of what happened got me fucked up.
And then I got a message that topped everything and just fucked up my whole day.
I literally couldn't hold it in any longer and I started crying on Delania.
She didn't know what was wrong but she held me. I was shaking like a wet puppy.
Still shaking actually.
At least I know I have good friends...that kinda calmed me down but ofc, there's always the anxiety.
I have stuff coming back that ion wanna remember and I just feel an attack coming real soon.
Ion even think in have therapy this week.
Ugh.
Life is fucked up yo.
Sigh.
Bye.
11:20 pm
