Weightless

Three.

December 1992

The New York winter had made it appearance as the cold wind blew through Olivia's hair as she walked home. Olivia was now four months pregnant and her 'morning sickness' was still lingering and she craved anything salty or savory.

Her jeans wouldn't button up at this point so she was improvising by using an elastic band. She wore baggy sweat shirts or shirts most of the time to hide her growing bump.

Serena had barely discussed Olivia's pregnancy since they had the fight from when Olivia first told her she was pregnant but there was no denying the baby was finally making its presence known.

Serena was still upset that Olivia had found herself in this situation. She wanted more for her daughter. Even though she had a hard time showing it a lot of the time, she wanted Olivia to be something great, achieve big things in her life. She had so much potential, she was a powerful force with a beautiful soul even if Serena didn't nurture it as a mother should. Her daughter deserved more than she ever gave her.

Olivia had made her decision about what was best for her baby and the life she wanted he or she to have, something she couldn't provide. She decided upon adoption. Olivia had contact an adoption agency and was in the process of looking through potential parents for her unborn baby.

When Olivia had discussed that she wanted to place her baby up for adoption with Serena it made her even more proud of daughter, even if she didn't show it most of the time. She had the selflessness and courage that Serena never managed to find except in the form of a bottle. After Serena's rape she couldn't have a legal abortion but also couldn't bring herself to give Olivia up either. Serena knew this was going to be one of the hardest things her daughter would ever do, but also wanted so much more for Olivia and her future than being a teen mom and struggle through life.

Olivia knew deep down, even without her mother's opinion that she couldn't keep her baby in the sense that she couldn't be the mother her child deserved. She had no money, no support, her boyfriend had disappeared and she had no family except for her own mother who was exactly a role model as to how a mother should be.

She didn't want to inflict a hard life on her child, her baby was innocent in all of this. She felt so alone in this. She wanted her baby to grow up knowing what a real family felt like, feel loved unconditionally, feel safe and not have to worry about things a child should never have to think about. She never wanted her child to ever experience anything she had growing up. Olivia didn't want her child growing up in a toxic environment that involved Serena and her instability.

Even if Serena was the only family that Olivia had.
Serena and Olivia had found an adoption agency and started the process of meeting potential families.

Olivia had picked up a tutoring job and would tutor other kids after school most days during the week. She wasn't exactly in the position to get a regular job most teenagers her age would get and it helped her gain some of her own money. Even if half the time she found herself spending it on food cravings. Serena didn't exactly keep the cupboards stocked with much food.

Olivia was a few days away from her twenty week scan and was terrified. Everything was starting to finally catch up with her and overwhelm Olivia. She felt she was loosing whatever little control she had left in her life. Between doctors appointments, school, homework, adoption stuff, tutoring, getting 'fat' and feeling uncomfortable and emotional.
She had been all alone throughout her pregnancy so far and was about to find out the gender of her unborn baby.

She had began to feel tiny flutters that soon grew into bigger movements proving that time was moving quickly and she had to get everything organized sooner than she wanted.