Stay High || Nat Wolff

Chapter One: Project

2015
The loud noises of the choas that was indeed Los Angeles rang in my ears as I passed building after building searching for any bar that was nearing my current standing location. Following behind me were my fellow female bandmates who were equally as booze thirsty as I had become. In fact, we were just leaving from a gig at a house party. Our audience consisted almost exclusivly of stoned young adults who'd be entertained by a turned off t.v, but the hot meal and the small finanichal tips from the male attendees was totally worth it in my mind. This society we live in can be as much about beauty as it is about talent or other worthy and noteable qualities in an indvidual.

This observed concept by myself however is reject by the drummer, Paulina Driver. Well, not rejected as she thinks it doesn't exist but rather her efforts are to keep the physical appearance of a human being (espically a woman) irrelavant from any of your praises or critisisms. You may say it's wishful thinking and that she should just suck it up and accept a superfical society, but she'll most likely plug her ears and start singing. She never will take shit from anyone or back down from telling young girls to be powerful, get loud and get proud.

I beileve that her unapoligetic and abrasive manner of her activism is what attracted me to her to begin with. At first glance she just comes off as a loud, annoying bashful girl but give her a chance and she's a loyal, confident, kind and badass woman. She'll always stand up for you and be in your corner just as long as you treat her with respect and dignity.

Lauren Checkers was the total opposite. She was quiet and rather shy but what a talent she possesed. Honestly I couldn't imagine a better bass player for the band I'd put together.

Lastly, there was Brenda Cooper. She, like Paulina was brash, pushy and loud. She'd picked up the gutair when she was thirteen, inspired by the expousure Paulina had given her to Bikini Kill. Both Driver and Cooper seemingly moddled their entire selves after the riot grrrls of the 90s.

As for me? I suppose I'm more Courtney Love than Kathleen Hanna. I stand out a bit from my bandmates, mainly due to the fact that unlike them, my dependance on substances is more visual and obvious. At first, I tried to be discreet about it, much like Lauren still stays. Eventully though, it becomes pointless to continue trying.

I'd been using drugs ever since I was a preeteen. My mother too, was nose deep in whatever she could find. That father of mine protested at first, until she managed to get him hooked. I was her next project.

I can remember the first time I did cocaine very vividally. It was in sixth grade and a science project was getting me extremly frustrated. I was fighting my eyes to stay awake, but it kept getting harder and harder. It was at that point that my mother, awake for days at this point, put some white powder on my desk. She was all jittery and her pupils were huge. She'd heard my yawns and promised that this would help me stay alert for the rest of the time I needed to be.

So, I snorted it. It iritated my nose, so it's a given I entered into a sneezing fit after. Eventully though, I began to love the feeling the cocaine gave me. I was following in my moms footsteps of depandancy on this drug for the ability to finish tasks.

Eventully though, I'd be so hyper that sleeping was a rare ocassion. This annoyed my mom who was trying to sleep when she was sick from drugs, or had to wake up early for whatever job she was attempting to hold down at the moment. She became impaitent with me, ultimantly holding me down and injecting me with dirty heroin needles to force my high in the other direction.

In my teens, I'd experimented with weed and acid, later on meth came into my observations.

"This place looks nice!" Brenda chimed, her eyes gazing on the structure infront of us. Cooper was always good at finding the somewhat fancy places, she was alot more picky then the rest of us had come to be.