don't read this

Back up

I wasn't kidding. I've had it with him! I'm going to war!
But I'm not an idiot. I know my arms are twigs, and although his are as well he can pick me up easily.
So I'm going to need special backup. I walk further into the woods until I find a secluded clearing. No paths, no wild life, just a dead tree surrounded by dead grass.
Perfect.
I open up the backpack despite it's protests. It's still crying about how stealing from Dora was wrong and I'm going to hell. Fine by me, I'll lap dance on Satan for a milkshake. I pull out of the sentiment purple bag my gay candles, crayola chalk, and the gallon of blood I stole from Scoober in his sleep. It'll work because he's a virgin.
I surround the tree in a Mac n cheese colored circle of chalk and place the gay candles around it. They're not even but I'm to stupid to figure out how to get them even. It'll work either way.
I smack my forehead as I realize I've forgotten the most important thing: a cutaway!
I grab a paper from my notebook and scribble out a quick family guy comic with 69 cutaways. Perfect!
I rush over to the dead tree and place the comic in the center.
It's time.
I light the candles, one at a time, as the wind slows to a stop. It's completely quiet as not even the dirt crunches under my Gucci Crocs. I pick up the stupidly heavy milk jug of blood and begin to poor it over the comic, using it to paint his glasses upon my face and as hair gel to replicate his hair style.
Slowly and softly I whisper "bird is the word".
And then I say it again, with a little more command and a little louder.
And again, just the same.
Over and over till I scream demandingly "bird is the word!".
I begin to dance while repeating the ancient hex.
"B-b-b-bird bird bird. Bird is the word".
With every word the blood jerks. Back and forth it rises. It twists and turns like clay till finally he's here.
I come to a halt and drop to my knees as the blood casing cracks.
"You summoned me?".