Voice in the Thunder

10

I lean against the door when it closes behind me, looking around the suite. The bedroom light is the only one on, and I make my way towards it. She's sitting on her bed, scribbling furiously in her journal.

"Hey," I say, hesitating in the doorway. She looks up, closing her journal and setting it on the nightstand.

"How's your head?"

"Hurts like a bitch," I chuckle, moving slowly to the bed. I sit on the edge, fidgeting with the drawstrings of my pajama shorts.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I wave her off, looking up at her. "Will you talk to me?"

She nods, scooting closer to me.

"I'm sure the girls already spilled everything to you."

I nod, taking her hand.

"Well, it's true. I need to be able to express my feelings with someone I love like this physically. I just feel like shit about myself and start doubting everything when that doesn't happen."

"Baby," I say, tilting her chin up so she looks at me. "You know I love you. You have to know that. I just wanted it to be special. It's been so long since I've even got to hold you. And I appreciate that you want this so bad, I really do."

She cracks a smile at that, her hand covering mine on her cheek.

"I want you. Trust me on that. It's all I can think about sometimes. It's distracting, to say the least. And I'm on this project because I want to help make this album the best it can possibly be. You deserve that. I am not, in any way, holding anything against you. I mean, technically we were broken up. I love you, Stevie. So much it hurts. I just want to be perfect for you, and I do not feel perfect with ten pounds of baby weight clinging on for dear life."

"Alina, you're perfect to me no matter what."

I close my eyes, wincing when my head throbs again.

"You should probably ice that again," She says, moving out of bed and across the suite to the mini fridge quickly. She passes me an ice pack, coaxing me to lay with her. She sits against the headboard, pulling me gently to lay between her legs. She cradles my head against her stomach, keeping the ice pack pressed to my scalp.

"I love you, babe. Please don't doubt that."

"I don't," She answers. "It's something I have to work on."

I nod, sending up a silent thanks when she turns the light off.

"I'm sorry I concussed you."

"Yeah, let's not do that again."

She chuckles, her other hand stroking through the ends of my hair.

"I have to get back to Layla soon," I mutter, feeling overwhelmingly exhausted.

"Shh, just sleep. The girls are with her, she's okay," She assures. I nod, the cold doing its job in soothing my aching head.

"Do you need anything?"

"Don't you dare move," I say. She chuckles, her hand running over my back. "Shove me when you get uncomfortable."

"I have never shoved you!"

"Uh, yes you have!"

"Alina, no I have not."

I move to sit up, but she pushes me back down. I glare up at her, rolling my eyes at her amused look. I move anyways, snuggling up to her side.

"Are you mad at me still?"

"No, I'm not. I wasn't really mad at you in the first place," She says, brushing my hair out of my face. I close my eyes, unable to keep them open for a second longer.

I wake up to a tiny hand slapping my cheek.

"What the hell?" I groan, opening my eyes. Layla giggles, shoving her fist into her mouth. "Oh, my sweet girl," I coo, pulling her into my arms.

Stevie chuckles, and I look over to her. She's sitting up with her journal in her lap.

"The girls brought her over this morning after they fed her."

"Aw," I smile, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. Layla nuzzles her head into the crook of my neck, and I glance at the clock.

"Jesus, Stevie. It's almost noon."

"And?"

"You've been babysitting for how long?"

"Few hours," She says, checking her watch. She's all made up and ready for the day. Layla lets out a frustrated cry, pulling at my shirt.

"Bossy," I say, pulling my shirt up for her. She kicks her feet happily when she latches. I sit against the headboard, stroking my thumb across Layla's arm. I run a hand through my hair, feeling my bump. It's still sore, but my headache is gone.

"I need to shower," I say, staring blankly up at the ceiling. I'm still tired.

"I'll watch her," Stevie offers, stroking Layla's hair. I offer her a sleepy smile, closing my eyes again. Layla finishes pretty quickly, and now I'm concerned that she's gonna regress to cluster feeding. I'm probably just paranoid. She usually wakes up for her morning bottle around 7, which means she was pretty much nursing for comfort. I realize it's the first time she's ever woke up without me. I hope she wasn't a monster.

I leave her on the bed with Stevie, rushing across the hall to my room to shower quickly. I brush my teeth and get dressed, pulling my wet hair back into two braids. I do my makeup and take a second to breathe before I get everything ready to go for the studio.

I head back to Stevie's room to find everyone gathered around in the living room.

"We good to go?" Karen asks, handing me my coffee.

"Yeah," I smile. I pluck Layla out of Lori's arms, holding her on my hip as we file towards the elevator. Vanessa is waiting there, leaning against the wall. Stevie slips her arm through mine, clearly showing who's side she's on. I purse my lips to keep from smiling.

We make it to the studio and finish up the song, playing it all the way through. God, it's amazing. Stevie takes my hand when I tear up.

"Play it again," She says. Dave complies, everyone looking happy with it.

"It's beautiful," I sniffle, dabbing my eyes. She smiles, leaning in and kissing my cheek.

"Angel girl," She whispers, stroking my hair. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just so pretty," I laugh, fanning my eyes. She laughs, squeezing my hand. It's such a beautiful song, especially with the soft backing vocals. It might just be my favorite so far.

I look at Stevie, smiling softly. She nods, knowing exactly what I'm trying to tell her. I love her endlessly.