1649 words exactly. Trigger warning: mentions of past cutting.
( From Dan's point of view)
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH" I screamed. I had yet another nightmare. I've had about ten so far, but I've only told Phil about five. I don't want him to worry about me. He has enough crap going on in his life. He's been having more panic/anxiety attacks recently. He says he doesn't know why, but I think I know. It's most likely us. Our relationship. I mean he tells me he loves me every day but I'm having a hard time believing him. That's mainly what my nightmares are about. It starts with us doing something we'd normally do, then BAM! , something happens to me and Phil finds someone else. I know it's not that scary but, I love him so much, I couldn't live without him. The reason I scream most times is because I end up dying some awful way. Luckily he's a deep sleeper, or he'd be so worried about me all of the time. " Dan? " Oh crap, Phil's awake. "Yes love?", I answer. "You screamed. Are you alright?", he asks. "Yeah yeah I'm fine, just another meaningless nightmare." Oh god hopefully I can think of something to cover up what it was about this time. "What was it about?" Phil asks me mid-thinking. "Oh, you know, normal nightmare stuff.", I lamely say. "Daniel, you're almost 24 years old, you don't have 'normal nightmares'. That's what the average six year old has.", he states. I sigh. "You're right. You're absolutely right. And I need to stop lying to you." "What? What do you mean lying? Dan, what's going on?" He seems scared. I don't want him to have a panic attack. Not here. Not now, at four am. "The nightmare was about us. It was about me dying in some awful way and you finding someone else. Within months. I can't handle that! I don't want to think about what if? What if I die and Phil finds someone else? Someone better than me? I just can't. I just can't do it anymore Phil.", I say hoping he won't breakdown. "What do mean? Is there something else you're not telling me? Maybe you're feeling guilty about something? You know I would never leave you. I love you." With that he kisses me gently on the cheek. "I know sometimes it's hard, but we've gotten through it. Do you remember, a couple years ago, when you were...um, c-cutting?" Phil says. I can tell he's starting to cry. Maybe starting to have an attack. But even though I don't want to talk, I respond. "Yeah, y-yeah, I-I re-remember. I was s-so lonely. I d-didn't h-have anybody. Maybe I s-still don't h-have a-anybody." I'm starting to cry now too. God dammit. I can't tell thinking from talking when I cry. I shouldn't have said any thing. I should have just hugged and cuddled with Phil until it was all better. Phil's full on bawling now. At least he's not having an anxiety attack. This is kind of putting a lot of pressure on him, having to comfort me. He should know he doesn't need to talk to do that, though. A quick make-out session would fix me. Some time during our conversation we both sat up. Moved over to him. "Phil, Phil it's ok, you don't need to cry. Everything's fine. Come on now, calm down. You're fine. I'm fine. Everything is ok. Shhhhhh. There there. Do you want anything? Hot chocolate? A movie? More sleep?" He just shook his head, which is now in the crook between my shoulder and neck, his tears running down my torso. It's fine, though, because if he keeps hugging me like this, soon enough he'll be almost good as new. Hopefully. I try one more time to cheer him up. "It's ok. You're fine, Philly, my little lion. You're ok. I love you, Phil. I love you so much. We're gonna be fine. Just try to calm down. Try not to have an anxiety attack, ok? Just breathe. In, 1...2..3..4, out, 1..2..3..4. There you go. Good job. See? All better, you're all better. And do you know why you're all better?" Now I'm really trying. Maybe making some jokes will help. "No, why?" He asks sadly. At least he's talking, even if it's into my neck and I can barely hear him, it's something. "You're all better because 1) you're with you're favorite person in the world. 2) you're gonna get whatever you want for about 4 days. 3) I love you, so so much. And 4) because you're a lion, and lions are strong no matter what." There. Phil has been comforted. Mostly. Other than the following week of comforting, which I don't mind. It consists of cuddles, anime, hot cocoa, and lots of kisses. Some small, some not so small, if you know what I mean. ;) "You know what Dan?" "What Phil?" "You are my one and only, my best friend, my boyfriend, and most importantly, only the best person for cuddles ever!!!" Oh my god Philly you /spoon/! "Ugh oh my god I can't handle this pure cuteness of a person named..." Hmmmm what is his name? "Philip Michael Lester."
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* Fast forward two years *
"Come ooooonnnn!!! I wanna get there today please!!" Classic Phil, always on time or early for things. I hate it. "Ok. Let's race." This should be fun. "Are you sure? You're like, gonna run? Ok who are you and what have you done with my fiancé?" Ohh he shouldn't have said that. Rude. "If I'm gonna run against you you're gonna win. So what's the matter? You scared old man?" Ha. Take that. "Old man?!! I'm only 30!! You're old. 26 is such and old age. Unlike the young and beautiful 30 year olds roaming the streets of London." What. I don't even understand him sometimes. I still love him though. "Sometimes I wonder why I said yes to such an awkward man. Who is a child living in a mans body, btw." Good bye discussion, I win. "Ugh! So rude. Am I going to have to take away cuddles in our bed. Actually, now it's my bed, and you're not aloud in my room either. I'm going to make a sign. You have to obey the sign." Or he wins... "Where are we even going anyways?" What do mean I'm ignoring the sign statement. What sign statement? What's a sign statement? What's a sign ? What? "We are going to, wait for it, we're almost there. Close you're eyes." "Umm I'm walking in downtown London, that's a bad idea." He's so frustrating sometimes. "I'll pull your hand. Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't run into any poles. Or people." Oh my god. He giggled when he said that. He did that tongue thing. Oh god I love it when he does that. It's so cute. I feel the sudden urge to make-out with him right now, right here, in the middle of London. "Ok ok, guide me." I put out my hand. "You can open your eyes now." He says after about 10 minutes of pulling me. "I-it's an a-adoption center." A few tears leak out of my eye. I've always wanted a child. I thought we were going to wait until we got married though. I mean it's fine now. I love kids. "Yes, Dan, it is. And we're gonna get as many kids as you want." Ok I want like 10 so I don't know how he'd feel about that. "10?" I ask jokingly. "Sure, why not?" He replies. "Oh my god, Phil, are you serious? Because even though I want 10 kids we can't have 10 kids. You know that, right?" Hopefully he's just playing dumb to be cute or funny. "Yeah of course I know that. Our flat is too small for even 4 kids. That would make 6 people. 1 kid for now is good." Phew. "How are we gonna make videos?" I suddenly realize. "Oh my god I didn't think about that. Maybe we could have someone babysit? Like Louise or Zoe?" Thats perfect! "You're a genius! I love you so much Phil Lester. You don't even know." With that we hug and then go inside. We sit down to talk to the nice lady about adopting children. Soon after I sit in the tiny plastic chair, I feel someone touch my neck. Of course I fall backwards karate chopping in the air. I look back to see who did it. It's a little girl. "Hi sweetie, what's your name?" I ask. "M-my names T-t-Taylor." She says very quietly. She looks to be about 4. "Why did you fall down?" She says. "I don't like it when people touch my neck. It's scares me and makes me, well, fall down." She laughed when I said that. "So what's your name." Taylor says. "Oh, my name is [ Dan ]" (I'm joking I'm joking) "My names Dan. And this, *i motion to phil without looking back at him* , is my soon-to-be husband, Phil." "Oh. I like you. You're nice. Is Phil nice?" Omg she's too cute. "Yes, Phil is very nice." We start talking when Phil rudely interrupts. "Ahem, Daniel, who's your new friend?" "This is Taylor, Phil." I say. "And what are you doing with Taylor?" He rudely asks again. "Well I was having a very nice chat but now, I think I'm adopting our daughter." I say, tears of happiness forming in my eyes. "Oh, well now you won't have anymore nightmares, because you know we'll always be together. Linked together with Taylor." Phil replies, tears also threatening to leak out.
Ahhhhh omg my first fic!! I'm so excited! I think it's pretty good. Tell me what you think!
