Curing More than Cancer

Chapter 14

As much as they can joke around and find their stride, the atmosphere is smothering in an awkward tension of trying to be respectful of each other's boundaries. Kara is chewing on her lip, playing with the food on her plate rather than just eating it. Her entire body is brimming in guilt at how she treated Lena this morning... well, the entire time that she's known the doctor.

Lena breaks the woman out of her thoughts, "So, what happened with your boss exactly? I'm obviously happy that she gave you the month off, but I can't lie. I'm completely surprised by it."

Kara can hear the gentle tone. She can hear how cautious and careful Lena is treading with this topic. She can feel the compassion and care behind every word. It makes the giant monster of guilt grow impossibly bigger. The words tumble past her lips without her conscious involvement. Her eyes stay firmly planted on her plate. "Lena... I'm so, so, impossibly so sorry for the way I've been treating you. You were only supposed to confirm my results, and somehow this is-"

"Kar-" Lena tries to interrupt.

"-where we are now. I've hijacked your time and your goodwill, and each time I have run out and left you high and dry. I've been a completely mess that you've been stu-"

"Slow-"

"-ck trying to clean up, and I'm so, so sorry. So sorry. I don't even know how to make all of this up to you. You've been perfect and amazing and so, so kind hearted. I just.. I don't know what I would have done - what I would do- without you. You are just-"

"Dar-"

"-an impossibly good person, Lee. And I'm so honored that I met you and know you like this. I never want to do anything to lose you, and I'd love to say I'll never hurt you in the future but I don't believe in making promises I can't keep. And I- I just need you to know how sorr-"

Lena eyes slowly grow wider with her brows practically raising into her hairline. She slides out of her seat and moves to Kara's side. She kneels down and places both of her hands on Kara's jumping knees. She applies just enough pressure to get them to stop.

Kara snaps her mouth shut at the exact moment that Lena makes physical contact. Her eyes drop to those pale hands holding down her knees. She didn't even notice that her legs were bouncing like that. She slowly tracks her way up Lena's arms and takes a deep breath when she sees those big green eyes looking up at her. She can see a hand moving towards her from her peripheral vision, but she can't bare to tear her gaze from those comforting greens.

Lena cups that gorgeous face and gently wipes away the few tears that have spilled. She smiles when she feels Kara's hands rest on top of her hand still on those knees. They rest in this moment. The two women simply rest with Kara squeezing one of Lena's hands while Lena lightly brushes her thumb against that soft cheek, neither breaking eye contact.

Lena breaks the silence with her calm and quiet voice, "Hey. There you are, darling."

"L-"

Lena is quick to interrupt before the blonde could get going again like a runaway locomotive. "Please. I'll let you say whatever you need to say, but I just need to say something first. Okay?"

Kara nods lightly, not wanting to jostle the woman's hand away. She even presses her face further into that warm hand to show that she doesn't want her to move away.

"I- I can't lie and say I haven't been hurt by your actions." When Lena sees Kara's face drops minutely, she is quick to reassure. "But I understand your actions. I don't blame you. I'm not mad about it or upset. I can't stop the feeling even though I understand, and that's just what I want to be honest about. You don't need to wallow in guilt, Kara. You aren't a mess that needs cleaning. You can't hijack me or my time when I offer it to you. You aren't going to lose me unless you no longer want me. Kara... I- I- I care about you. I trust you. You don't need to apologize. You have been dealing with so much by yourself for so long. It's okay. We are okay."