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It feels like the sun rises each morning just to mock Malka. As if each new day could bring back everything they have lost, everything they failed to protect, and yet today, there may be a chance. Too bad Malka lost the ability to believe in second chances. It died with the stones five years ago.
She sighs as she sips her tea, her eyes on the glowing horizon as the sun peeks over the rolling hills around them. The dog tags around her neck do not make noise but cool the skin beneath. Though she hears the footsteps approaching from behind, she does not turn when someone takes their own mug and comes up beside her.
"I looked for you."
"Almost found me too," Malka replies. "Don't worry, I've been around. Close enough, I guess. I wouldn't just leave."
Natasha nods. "It's not like you to leave us with nothing. You left us all alone, but you visit Thor?"
"Thor was about two seconds away from stumbling off a dock in a drunken haze. He needed a friend, and it's not like anyone else stopped by to check in. You had Steve, I didn't think you'd want me around when I wasn't fully," She twists her wrist in the air, "there, you know? I needed to figure some stuff out, not that anything got any clearer."
"Anything I can help with?"
"Not unless you know what love feels like." Malka blows out a soft puff of air, shaking her head. "It's pathetic, I know. I just... I spent so long feeling nothing that I don't understand what I feel now. I know pain. I know longing. I know grief, but I don't know happiness or joy or, at least, I don't recognize it anymore."
She can feel Natasha's stare, but she keeps watching the sun climbing into the sky. "You still trust me."
"Absolutely."
"Why?"
"Because you're the closest thing to family I have left." It pains Malka to admit it, but it is the truth. "Because even when I wasn't Aura and I wasn't Malka, I had you. And these past five years have been really hard being all alone, and I know that was my choice, but I really, really missed you. I just, I didn't want to add my burden to your life when you were barely keeping it together. It was wrong, I know."
Natasha's hand slips into Malka's, squeezing tightly as they look out over the hills. "I trust you too," Natasha says quietly. "Why do you think you're going with Steve? I trust you to keep him safe."
Her throat tightens as she bites her lip. "I'm sorry I couldn't admit it sooner, but just so you know, I think I...Channa would like you."
A smile pulls at Natasha's lips. "I think I would like her too. And, uh... I love you too."
Malka scrunches her face up. "This is love? Is this what it's supposed to feel like? I don't remember anymore. It just feels like I'm not in control. It just feels like fear."
"Clint and I will be ok." As Malka rests her head against Natasha's shoulder, Natasha leans her head on top. "You're just worried."
"I know what worried feels like. I'm from the shtetl."
"Well, did it feel the same with Bucky?"
Malka shakes her head. "With you, I feel warm, I guess. With him, it wasn't about temperature. I just felt safe. Even looking over my shoulder, I knew it would be ok because we were together. Is that love?"
"I think so, but what do I know?"
"You know a lot." Malka pulls her head back and turns to face Natasha. There is so much hope in her eyes, but Malka tries to look past it. "Listen, if this doesn't work—"
"It'll work."
Malka glances away. "But if it doesn't, I want you to know that I'll be here."
Natasha narrows her eyes. "You don't think this'll work, do you?"
Clicking her tongue, Malka sighs. "I don't believe in hope anymore. I believe in protecting what I have left. We are not invincible, Nat. I already lost him, I don't want to lose you too. I don't want to lose anyone, but if you died...You know what? Maybe I should go with you. Think about it—three master assassins stand a better chance—"
"They'll need you, Malka." Natasha smiles as she cups the side of Malka's face. She can feel her thumb moving, but her skin is so scarred it feels as light as a feather. "Hope is all we have left. This will work, ok? Damned be the world if it doesn't."
Is Malka so broken she can't believe the words Natasha says? Or is she just too afraid to think of the consequences of winning?
"Malka. Nat."
Malka glances up, shrugging Natasha off of her as she sees Steve in the doorway. "What, Rogers?"
"It's time."
With a small nod, Malka places her mug down on the counter beside Natasha's before they begin walking. Steve sends her an expectant look which she ignores as others in their group join their entourage on the way to the quantum platform. Everyone wears the special suits Tony designed and modified based on her advise.
They all gather in a circle on the platform, and silence wraps around them like a boa.
"Five years ago, we lost," Steve says. "All of us. We lost friends. We lost family. We lost a part of ourselves." Malka swallows the lump in her throat. "But today we have a chance to take it all back. You have your teams, you have your missions. Get your stone. Get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know. That doesn't mean we should know what to expect. Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives, and we're gonna win. Whatever it takes."
Something stirs in her heart. Something she refuses to feel. The possibility of victory cannot distract her.
"Good luck."
Everyone spreads out on the platform, Malka standing between Natasha and Steve as Hulk fiddles with the controls. "All right, you heard the man," Tony says. "Stroke those keys, Jolly Green."
"Trackers engaged," Hulk replies before he lumbars up to them.
Malka looks over to see Barton holding a small ship in his palm. "Rocket's gonna want that back," she murmurs.
"You promise to bring that thing back in one piece?" Rocket asks, arching a brow.
Barton nods. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure thing. I'll do my best."
"I thought you were a spy," Malka scoffs. "Can't lie to save your ass, can you?"
"Shut it, Laska."
She chuckles to herself as the machinery beneath her feet begins shifting. "See you in a minute," Natasha says with a small smile, squeezing Malka's hand one final time as helmets secure around everyone's heads.
Malka gets one last look at everyone before time swallows her whole.
