BETA MALE: FULL MOON LONELINESS - COMPLETED

Chapter 3. Full Moon

My loneliness was killing me. I was alone once again in the middle of that exasperating and apparently infinite jungle. I looked around, and there was nothing but a mass of ominous, thick, impenetrable trees and bushes, and his old shack. Lorenzo's place was empty now because he was gone. I felt lonely, but I didn't feel sad because I trusted that he would come back for me.

He had told me that when night fell I had to lock the cabin and stay inside. However, I locked myself in even before that. He had left me enough water and food so that I wouldn't have to go looking for them while he was gone. So early in the afternoon, I cooked my food on the fire pit outside, then I went into the cabin and never went outside again.

I was full of curiosity. I wanted to know who he was, and now I had a chance to look for some extra information. I had already searched his red suitcase since I was wearing his clothes and used to open it, but in that suitcase there was nothing more than that, old clothes. However, I had seen a small wooden box that was also under the bed and that I had never dared open or ask Lorenzo about its contents, and now was the time to check it. I took it out and put it over the bed. It had an "L" engraved on the top, for the initial of his name. I opened it and the first thing I saw was a black and white family portrait. A couple and a child about five years old. At first I thought it was from Lorenzo and his parents, but then I looked again and realized that was not the case. It was a photo of Lorenzo, but he was the father, and that was possibly his wife and the child his son.

I was immediately filled with doubts. Is he gay or not? bisexual? Did he run away from me forever because he just doesn't like men? I couldn't believe it. I knew what I had felt and what I felt he felt too. My heart broke a little, but at the same time I admired him and fell a little more in love with him because of the loving father's face he had in that picture. I kept looking and I also found something very strange. It was a piece of dried animal skin with fur of a mixed color between dark gray and brown. It didn't smell like anything. I couldn't find any explanation for it. There were also various letters and other pieces of paper. I wanted to read it all. I opened the first letter and began to read.

"My dear Loren,

You haven't been here for so long, and we have so much to tell you. We miss you, and the time..."

I couldn't keep reading. I couldn't do that to him. I closed the letter and the box and put everything back under the bed. I wanted to know everything about him, but not like this.

That afternoon, I cried lying on his bed. Was he with them now, with his family? Why was I so jealous if we had nothing? Or was there something between us already? I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I was calmer and the night had already fallen. I lit the fireplace and walked towards the window I had left open to let in air. I wanted to close it, and when I looked outside, I saw the splendorous moon, a spectacular full moon. And there, just at that moment, I heard the first howl. I felt chills. I closed the window and began to read a book that Lorenzo had left for me on the table. His literary taste seemed not to be very broad since the Dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy was my only option. Obviously, reading word meanings didn't look like fun at all, but I figured learning a couple of new words wouldn't hurt, so I settled down to read it in bed, at his bedside. Now that I was away from him, I felt that being on his side of the bed would keep me invaded by his wild scent, and therefore by his presence.

As usual, I fell asleep while reading. "Ñu" was the only new word I managed to learn.

I don't remember what time I woke up, but I guess it was around three in the morning. I woke up because I heard footsteps outside the cabin; stealthy footsteps. These were the footsteps of hungry beasts, and I got scared. I hid under the covers and tried to hold my breath. However, Lorenzo's scent had also intensified, almost as if he was there with me, and I felt a little safer when I thought of him. Those footsteps surrounded the cabin and even scratched its walls violently. They seem to be wild dogs, coyotes, or wolves. I felt how they were smelling my fear and how they were trying to get in and tear every part of my body and feed on me. But they gave up; the cabin seemed to be stronger than it appeared. They ran away about an hour later, but not before howling together to let me know that I was in danger.

When they left, I was drenched in sweat under the sheet, and I almost peed on the mattress. An hour after that, almost at dawn, I was able to fall asleep again. I woke up in the middle of the morning and didn't leave the cabin until I was sure there was nothing outside. I cooked all the food I would eat for that day and locked myself back up. When night fell, they returned. Much earlier now, they stood there much longer, howled much more, and insisted much more on taking down the cabin and me. I was definitely even more afraid this time, but I was not going to give up. Since that night, I managed to get out of bed, take my gun and my knife, and point in the direction of wherever I heard their footsteps so I could defend myself if they managed to get in. And so two or three nights passed in which I did not have any peace of mind. Things only got worse.

After the last night of the full moon, I woke up at dawn, lying on the floor with my gun in my hand. I had fallen asleep when the beasts left. I was still restless; my breathing was still heavy. I stayed on the floor for a while; I didn't feel like getting up. I closed my eyes and thought of Lorenzo. When was he going to return? I wondered, and at that moment, I felt footsteps outside the cabin again. It was the first time I felt them during the day. I got scared and horrified again, like every night lately. But then I calmed down. Those weren't the same footsteps.

I got up and ran to open the door.

He was there, in front of me, flesh and bone. He had returned. It was him. Lorenzo. He was nude, just as he had left a few days before, because now I was certain he had left completely naked. He was three meters away from me, and yet his scent felt strong, and he no longer covered his penis so I wouldn't see it. This man was exposed for me to see him in all his greatness and manhood. His hairy chest and the rest of his body were dirty. He had some bruises and some blood on his right arm. He was looking at me wildly, the same way he'd looked at me the first time when he'd been the one to open the cabin door for the injured man. This situation was as strange as it was poetic, worrying, interesting and exciting, and I was full of questions, but in one way or another, all of this made me feel safe. He was there, and I would not spend another night alone. Lorenzo had come back to stay with me.

We both got totally erect when we saw each other, and I immediately ran into his arms. It was definitive. Lorenzo was my man. I didn't know where he came from, but in his eyes I saw that he hadn't been with her. That man came back wanting me.

I climbed onto his body and kissed him madly. He responded to my kisses with euphoria. He touched me, I touched him, we ate each other's mouths. With my legs around his waist and tied by his animal lips, he carried me into the cabin and to his bed. And there, for the first time, we made love.