Fostering Haley

Chapter 5- decisions

Today seemed weird. I woke up not knowing if I should be happy or sad. Then, I got in my car and drove straight to see Zach. When I saw Zach he had a huge smile on his face and was holding a bouquet of flowers for me. That was strange....

"Hello beautiful." Zach said treating me like his girlfriend. "I was wondering if I could ask you something....." He said skittishly.
"Umm sure." I said uneasily.
"Haley, will you be my girlfriend?" He asked smiling. Right then I burst out crying.
He wants me to be his girlfriend? And I have to leave him behind?
"W-w-what's wrong?" He asked worriedly.
"I have to leave!" I said between sobs.
His face darkened.
"You're leaving? To where?" He asked worriedly.
"Carolina!" "But I wanted to be your girlfriend and now I don't get to be with you or Tiffany and I'm giving up my life here and..." I couldn't finish because of how violently I was crying.

He pulled me into a tight hug and just soothed me and whispered that it was going to be ok while I cried into his arms.

How could this happen? I wanted to be with him! I wanted to be with Lilly! But I knew I couldn't have both and family always comes first. So as sad as it was, I knew I had to shut Zach out of my life. I couldn't speak to him or show interest in him until the adoption was final and once it was hopefully I would forget about him.

I didn't want this to happen. I wanted to have Lilly. But Zach and I had a connection and had only been hanging out for a few months but I felt like we could have a future. Like he could be my family. I have never had anything permanent and never felt wanted but with Zach I felt like it was forever, I felt like he truly wanted me.

I didn't know what to do. All I knew is that Zach was the first person to make me laugh in 6 years. After seeing Zach I stopped having anxiety. Everything bad in my life went away thanks to Zach. And now I could never see him again. So I guess this was goodbye Zach.

After crying for a while I calmed down, stood up, and without a word walked out. Ignoring Zachs yelling and protesting I ran out to my car, sat in the front seat, and just started crying. With my hands against my face trying to stop the tears from rushing down my face. Zach. Lilly. Tiffany. Who?

Life was so confusing.

I guess my luck hadn't changed after all. I was still unlucky. The world was still against me being happy. STILL.