Bucketloads of Regret

Rock climbing

It was the weekend, James was taking me to the indoor rock climbing in the town.  Jason and I had already had breakfast together and he had teased me about dating my boss.  I teased him about moving on so quickly with Carmella.  I insisted that nothing was happening with James and I was just being friendly.  I told him I was a bit jealous about Carmella, especially as she was such a beauty.  

He said, "She was a bit dull though, not like you. You are intriguing."

I blushed.

I had fun with the indoor climbing with James despite both of us having poor upper body strength.  We had a good go at it anyway.  He'd stopped talking about Justine, which was a relief and was just joking and laughing about things.  That was good to see.  We went for a meal afterwards.  

He said, "What shall we do for our next adventure?  Have you ever wanted to drive a tank?

"Oh yes I have actually but I don't have a driving license and I think you need one to do a drive a tank experience.  Driving is actually next on my to do list. I don't suppose you know any good driving instructors?" I asked.

"I do actually, I have a friend called Brian who is a driving instructor.  I can pass on your number if you like." he said.

"Oh yes please do, if he's good." I replied.

The next day I got a call from Brian and he explained that I needed to do a driving theory test first.  So I looked it all up and booked in for that.  He said to give him a call back once I had passed.  I was quite good at tests so I didn't think I'd have too much of a problem.  A few weeks later I had passed my theory test.  If only Simon could see me now, if only he could see my new life, where I worked, was exercising and soon to be learning to drive.  How exciting!  I think he would fall in love with me again.

In those few weeks I had been going out with James on platonic dates and still having breakfasts with Jason as we had become good friends.  

I called Brian to arrange a driving lesson, or series of lessons. I was too tired to fit anything in during the week but arranged lessons for Saturday and Sunday so I could get as much driving in as possible.  James was kind enough to let me drive his car to practice when I wasn't having a lesson.  I hadn't thought about a car.  I wasn't going to be able to afford one on my salary.  I'd have to get one on hire purchase and then there was the insurance to pay.  It would be very tight.  Perhaps I wouldn't get a car.  I was happy getting buses.  But the new Felicity, the Felicity for Simon would probably have a car.  Maybe I'd get a pay rise before I passed my test. 

Brian was blonde and balding, he had a nice smile.  My radar for prospective men came out.  Why are all the nice men I meet in unsuitable situations for me to date them?  Apart from Jason.  I'm sure there's a rule for not dating people you are teaching to drive, even though we are both adults.  I wondered if I could get my lessons for free if I was dating him.  Then I noticed his wedding ring and realized he was out of bounds anyway.  Phew! At least I don't need to worry about my alluring personality causing awkwardness between us.  There were a few times where his arm brushed against mine in the car, which gave me tingles.  But I think it was just by accident, not on purpose or creepy at all.

My driving lessons were going well although I didn't understand why I had to keep looking in my mirror.  Brian said I was ready for a test but it was fifty fifty on whether I would pass.  I didn't pass, not first time, the first test got to my nerves I'm afraid.  But I passed on the second go.  It had been about six months of driving lessons and driving James' car.  

James had found himself a new job and I had a new manager.  I was so scared what this meant for me and James.  He had been well behaved and we'd been having fun.  I hadn't told him that I was waiting on a hopeless relationship with someone called Simon.  And now he had got himself a new job it left things open for him to take things further with me.  But I had been having fun with him.  He said he'd got a new job for other reasons too, like more money and a better job title, but I was still feeling pressured.  

We went on a driving tank experience as a celebration of me passing my test.  It was great fun.  Afterwards we went for a drink and he spoke to me seriously.  

He said "I've been waiting patiently for over six months, I really do like you and want us to be more than friends."

"I know."

"Well, what do you think?"

For the first time in six months he reached over and put his hand over mine.  All I could think about was that it felt like I was cheating on Simon.  How ridiculous!  He had been very patient with me.  So I leaned over and decided to give him a kiss.  It was a good kiss.  It did feel nice and tingly.  Perhaps this was the person I had fallen for whilst waiting for Simon. 

We ended up at his place and I slept with him, all night.  We had sex about four times.  He had a lot of energy for a pot bellied man.  Mind you, despite my swimming I still had a pot belly too. So I can't complain.  He had the biggest beaming smile on his face as he snored gently away.  What had I done?  Was he now my boyfriend?  Would I break his heart if Simon got in touch? Possibly.

When I got home the next day I found a letter sitting on my doormat.  It looked like Simon's handwriting.