{_) A new perspective. (_} Ongoing.

Chapter 1, Change.

             I'm writing this folding my knees practically into myself as I scribble with black ink. Wow how descriptive of me I fancy
myself. I take my pen off the paper and tap it onto my knee, I bite my lip uptight from all these overwhelming feelings. Okay, I'm going to pace myself I can do this. I breathe in and put my pen back on the paper I sign the name. My new name. I can't recognize myself anymore as the tears fall viciously. What happened to me.

           "Please I'm serious Vi-" My mother attempted  to finish her sentence before I abruptly cut her speech. No freedom of speech for her.  "Try to make friends, yeah I'm positive I've heard that thirty times this year."  She shook her head. "Have a good day." I go out the front door the pressure from the wind smacking me. Montana fall, it's the best time of year before brutal winter hits. The leaves fall you feel cozy, halloween decor of course. It's the perfect time for everything. I walk my way down to my high school, yes that's how close I am. I grew up with these kids. I take in the mountains as some backdrop. I have always hated the beach even since a child. Mountains have resonated with me after my first hikes as a young child. I brushed my dark brown hair out of my face. Of course the moment I stepped foot in the school Megan Berkeley was having her face sucked off by a leech, Dean whatever his last name was the football captain. I looked by grossed out. I floated through the halls and arrived at my locker, the same one from junior high due to budget cuts and all that lockers were donated. I kicked the locker and it flung open. I closed it and a face was there. It darkened. I had a sharp inhale until reality set in. "You can't do that Trev." I shook my shoulders. He laughed at me. "Whatever." He walked away. Me and Trevor weren't friends but I knew him. One of those trust fund kids that knew my family between his. I went to a class clutching and very unintelligently maneuvering items between hands. I dropped everything. I had my weird girl in high school moment. I looked up and there was no one. My chest tightened and contracted. Crap. Oh my god. I was having an anxiety attack. I had been diagnosed a year ago with severe anxiety and a intrusive kind of illness. I looked around there was no one. The light fuse blew and everything was back to normal. I have these visions a lot of the time that were meaningless but recently they were more complex. I walked to class hurriedly I had missed five minutes. I sat in my spot in the front row as everyone had their eyes locked on me. The teacher leaned back on the board. "Vivian, late again?" I was called out? "Yes I apologize, it won't happen again. " Another bad fear of mine, confrontation. Some girls giggled. I wouldn't say school was a miserable place but then I'd be lying. I focused my eyes on my textbook. A few hours later and seven different lectures from seven different teachers I was ready to lay down. I walked my way out of school and saw him. My heart stopped. He stopped his skateboard with his foot. My heart melted a little inside. Roan, I think I'd liked him forever. It was probably his strong jaw his 5,10 frame or maybe the oceans in his deep blue eyes. I stared at him for awhile. A skateboard hit my foot I looked down at it. He brushed his dark hair from his freckled face. His compelling golden brown skin shone in the sun. I looked up as he spoke. "Hey can you toss that back." His voice was deep which made my heart skip faster. "Yeah." I stuttered heavily and he definitely noticed. His friends looked at each other. Were they thinking I looked stupid. Oh my god what is wrong with me. I wanted to shrink up I heard my heart beat out of my throat. I swallowed. Crap I've been standing here like a deer! I tossed it over. Two of his friends looked at each other and laughed. "Hey girl, you know how to skate?" Roan widened his eyes at them speaking with body language 'stop.' "Yeah of course I do!" I said fast. Funny story, I do in fact not know how to skateboard. They rolled it over. I got all my courage in me. I got on almost tripping, Roan came over and held my shoulders. "Patience." He whispered in my ear as his breath went off onto my neck. My heart was no longer here I was probably dead. I nodded. I rolled down the sidewalk. He followed then let me go. I was doing it! I was actually doing it. I felt the wind hit my face, that is until I slipped backwards I went into free fall soon accepting my fate, I would fall on my back possibly on my head. It was almost slow mo. And finally, I fell.