Things you don't know about me:
1. I have longed for affection and attention
2. I want to be held
3. I want commitment
I want that fairytale shit but I can't let anyone in. Why? Because I have been hit by bricks way too many times to fall for it again. You don't know me and I don't expect you to because I get attached way too easily and can let go in a heartbeat- at least my brain tricks me into thinking that I can.
Fuck the fairytale! Fuck the movie-style love! I remember how I put love on a pedestal and how I now think it is equivalent to dog shit. But you ... you believe in true love, you want to get married, you want so many things that I cannot give and I am sorry. Because even though you did not ask me for any of that I know deep down I am afraid because I like you. Afraid of dreaming past the bubble in which I live.
If I kiss you, if I hug you, if I fuck you, I'll get attached even more. I contradict my feelings and thoughts by saying get don't get attached to me, Behind my teeth, I am trapped in a shithole frenzy where I am trapped by money, trapped by security, trapped by my own stupid loyalty.
The way you look at things is different, you are not from around here and I like that. You held a kitten-like it was your own child feeding it milk and coddling it. You ask me about "her" even though she's not yours. You compliment me whether I am "clowned up" or not. You are definitely not from around here.
I like that you call me hun, bro, love, man, and my actual name. No one really says my name but fuck it is your style, it gets me on and you didn't even have to touch me.
YOU ARE READING
I Can't Let You In
RandomI see you, more than you may know it. I let it slip out once but I will pretend I didn't say it. My deeper thoughts you will never hear but I feel them every time I am around you.
