Faking Smiles

The Wake

I smoothed my black lace dress for the thousandth time. I wasn't ready for this. I did simple makeup, but only because I looked disgusting without it. The black eyeliner and mascara made my emerald eyes pop in contrast to my pale complexion. I brushed through my tangled dirty blonde hair before pulling out my straightener and curling it.
As I began curling my hair, spraying each curl with a thick layer of hairspray, I asked myself, "Why? Why am I putting so much effort into this?"
I already knew the answer
"Because it's a distraction, a useless distraction since it's not exactly distracting. You would rather do things that are completely out of character than sitting in bed letting your thoughts consume you"
"Sage! We have to go!" I heard my mom yell from the bottom of the stairs as I finished spraying the last curl. I sprayed my entire head once, unplugged the straightener, slipped on my black pumps, and left. Usually, I would tell her to wait a minute so I could clean up, but I honestly don't care anymore. I met my mom and Blake, my brother, downstairs and we left our home. The car was unusually silent on the way through Radcliffe, Iowa to the funeral at the one church we had. Radcliffe is a super small town, and everyone knows everyone, literally. When we got to the church, I found a tree outside and I put my headphones in, the viewing wasn't for an hour. After that, we would take the coffin into the cemetery and dad's best friend would make a speech about his life and whatnot. My mom said I didn't have to stay after the viewing, and that I could take her car home and she would get a ride, but I don't know. I hit shuffle and went on Tumblr. After what seemed like mere minutes, Blake found me.
"Mom wants us inside, people are coming," he snarled, which isn't that surprising because he blames me for our dad's death, "hurry up, fatass!"
I looked away from my phone to see Blake retreating to the church.
I got inside and there were already about 15 people. I stood awkwardly in a corner because I didn't know anyone. Once the viewing was over, I found my tree again, and I assumed my previous position. Headphones in, world out. My mom came to get me before we piled back into the car and went home, where everyone was going for the reception/wake thing. The minute we got home, I tried going back to my room, but my mom stopped me saying that it's rude to not stay with guests, so I sat silently on the couch instead.
"Summer has come and passed/The innocent can never last/Wake me up when September ends," Billie Joe's voice flooded through my headphones, drowning out the loud noises around me. I killed him. Well, that's what everyone sees it as. I guess it was my fault. My dad died one week ago in a car crash, while I was driving. It was an accident. There was a squirrel or something crossing the road and I stopped but I was in the middle of an intersection and a truck crashed into the passenger side. Yeah, I should've run over the small animal. If I had crossed the intersection 2 minutes earlier, my dad would still be here.
I felt a tap on my shoulder but ignored it until someone ripped out my left headphone. I immediately punched whoever it was because you can't rip out my headphones and expect to live. I looked to see my best friend Genevieve. She has long, pin straight, silky black hair, flawless tan skin, and a bruise forming on her left jaw. Her worried, warm chocolate-brown eyes looked at me questioningly. I stared back at her. I tried to look sorry but she saw right through it.
"Let's go," she said.
She walked toward the doors with me following close behind. We walked to the edge of my neighborhood and jumped the fence separating the neighborhood from the woods on the other side. We both knew where we were going, it was the same place we found when we first met almost 7 years ago. We walked in silence deeper into the wall of trees until we got there.