Faking Smiles

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A/N
*~*~WARNING~*~*
It may be triggering to some

I sat in silence, processing the events that just took place. She kissed me and left me, sitting alone in the middle of the woods, miles away from anywhere else. As the sun began to sink below the horizon, I got up. I heard the soft plink of the rain as I wiped the tears that had gone unnoticed and climbed down from the house, and I began to make my way back home through the rain. After about 20 minutes, I reached my house, drenched from the rain. My previously curly hair was stringy and frizzing, and my mascara clad eyes began to drip. I walked into my house and found myself surrounded by people. The wake wasn't over yet. I weaved my way through the crowded house, trying to draw as little attention to myself as possible. Of course, that failed miserably.
I was almost at the stairs when I heard someone calling to me.
"Sage!"
I turned around to see none other than Matt Smith (a/n: yes I know he was the 12th doctor, but I like the name) and Dan Anderson. Matt had on a light blue button up shirt tucked into a pair of nice khakis with a pastel pink bow tie, and Dan was wearing a white button up tucked into khakis and a dark blue bow tie. They were both wearing Sperrys.
"Why are you even here?" Matt asked, "I didn't think you would be guilty."
"Guilty for what?" I asked even though I already knew the answer
"Like you don't know," Dan spat, "killing him of course, everyone knew that you hated him"
I tried to ignore it even though it wasn't true. I didn't hate my dad, sure we got in fights and I didn't necessarily like him, but not enough to want him dead.
"Go to hell, asshat." I said before turning away and heading up the stairs.
"I see you there!" He called after me.
I made my way to my room and locked the door behind me. Thankfully no one was in here. My walls were a dark purple with white trim. My bed was pushed into the corner furthest from my door, and it was covered with a gray, white, purple, and black duvet. In another corner was a dark purple beanbag, and there was a lamp that curved over the beanbag. The bookshelves on either side of the beanbag had been set inside the wall. My white dresser/mirror/vanity was against the same wall as my bed, and my black futon was by the window. Near the dresser, there was another door that lead to my bathroom and closet. I walked over to my bed and reached under it, feeling around for what I was looking for. It wasn't there. I went to my dresser and opened the bottom drawer and found the box buried under the sea of random t-shirts. I opened it and dumped the contents on my bed. A size small shirt, size 0 jeans, a diary, a lighter and 2 blades that I took from pencil sharpeners. I grabbed the lighter and blades and locked my door. I grabbed my iPhone 5s and texted Gen.
(A/n so when I write texts I use the first initial of the characters name and the entire conversation is in italics)
S - I'm sorry
I went into the bathroom sat down on the floor and looked around for a clean dark towel. I found one under the sink behind my scale. I also grabbed some bandages from the medicine cabinet. I sat down again and checked my phone.
G - what? Sorry for what?
S - nothing, sorry for bothering you.
I grabbed the blade first and did something I hadn't done in a long time. I made one cut on my wrist that wasn't very deep. With each cut I named someone who blamed me, or hated me, or made my life hell, and with every name, the cuts got deeper. I repeated this on one arm. I stood up and took off my dress. I inspected myself in the full length mirror on the back of the door. My arm was stained a bright crimson, and I was loosing feeling in that arm. I washed the dried blood off my arm and wrapped it in the bandage before reaching for my lighter. I flicked it open and closed it a few times, watching the flames. After a few times I flicked it open and did another thing I hadn't done in a long time. I grabbed a metal barrette out of the drawer and held it over the flame until it was scorching hot. I quickly pressed it against my exposed arm. I held it there, ignoring the pain, until the heat faded. I did it about 4 more times on my arm, and then I moved to my stomach. I burned about 10 marks on my stomach. I didn't treat the burns for another ten minutes. I sat on the bathroom floor writing in pain from the burns. It hurt like a bitch, but I liked it. I deserved it. I could hear Ana's voice in the back of my head.
"I'm back, fatass." She screeched as she appeared in front of me.
I watched her beautiful green eyes, inspect every aspect of my figure.
"You're fat. I never should have left you alone"
"I know, Ana." I sighed.
I got up and grabbed the burn cream from the medicine cabinet and applied it to my burn, providing instant relief.
"Look at yourself," Ana said as she closed the door, forcing me to look at myself in the mirror,"You're fat."
She led me outside to the shirt and jeans I pulled from the box. She told me to put them on, but they didn't fit.
"You gained so much weight, don't you agree?" She asked.
"I'm fat" I agreed with her.
"You need to fast"
"I need to fast"
"You need to look at thinspo"
I changed into shorts and a t-shirt, and sat looking through the diary that was in the box with the clothes, blades, and lighter. The models I had pictures of in my diary were so perfect. I went back to my full length mirror and put my feet together, hoping for the best. I was let down at the sight of my touching thighs. I stripped down to my underwear and pulled my scale out from under the sink to weigh myself.
"127.5" I mumbled to myself
Ana walked in, "You're so fat, Sage. Maybe Genevieve would like you if you are skinny."
I thought about it and realized that I don't like myself. How could anyone else like me if I don't like myself?
I got dressed, I picked up the blades and lighter and put them in the box and slid the box under my bed, I put my too-small-clothes on a hanger and hung them on my dresser mirror. I took my thinspo diary and found the page that read
"Fasting"

A/N
so I need time to write the next thing because I'm not 100% sure what to do next so how about I'll update when there's 220 reads, and 15 votes?