Take Home a Baggage

082

Part 082 (Cont. of Narration)

Marchienne.

"Kiesha!"

I didn't bother to look back. Back then, running across the fields outside of their house was a form of stress reliever for me. But right now, the cold wind of an April morning felt as if it was piercing through my skin. It was puncturing—kind of.

Pinalis ko ang luha sa pisngi ko as I continued to walk hastily past the antique four-storey buildings of the city. I was about to step a foot on the famous Skinny Bridge of Amsterdam when a palm gripped lightly on my wrist, making me halt.

"Kiesha, please..." Silas pleaded, catching his breath.

"Leave me alone."

"No, please. Kiesha, I want to talk—"

Umiling ako, feeling all the bottled-up emotions pounding against my chest. Was peace really hard to ask for these days? "I don't, Silas," sambit ko bago binawi ang kamay ko. "So, please leave me alone. I'm begging you."

"I'm sorry," I heard him say.

Nanatili akong nakatitig sa kan'ya.

His eyes glistened, visibly showing traces of pain. "Kiesha, I'm sorry for... whatever it is that I did. I don't know what it is... but please talk to me... I can—I can take it if you shout or curse at me right now if it just means you'll face me again."

Maybe it was really that hard to give me peace.

"I'll beg if I have to. Please."

I faced Silas and I already felt like crying again. "Fine." My voice shook. "You... you want to know why?"

He blinked at the sight of me. "Kiesha, I'm—"

"It's because you—you're fucking up my mind! All of me, precisely," anas ko bago siya tinitigan nang mariin. "You're just so... so fucking confusing, Silas... I don't know why you're like this. Maybe you just really want to win so bad you'll go far to this extent to see me lose, or maybe it's still that usual for you, or maybe I am already the problem!"

His lips went agape as he tried to catch my hand. "K-Kiesha, listen to me... Please—"

"No, I won't!" I shook my head as I reclaimed my hand from his. Great, just fuck my tears from falling again. "Because I'm tired, Silas... I'm tired of your mixed signals—that I don't want to believe you anymore. I'm just... so tired. I just wanted to throw you out of the room a while ago, do you know that? I just fucking wanted you gone."

His face fell. He looked a second away from tearing up... Right at that moment, with the sight of his eyes slightly squinting as it manifested a vision of the pain, I felt a crack inside my chest. But God was I so overpowered by my frustration.

"Silas... you're fucking me up this bad!" I shouted. I held my forehead as I stared at him, tears still cascading. "You know what everyone around me thinks? They think you like me. Out of all people, you—Silas Maxímilian. They think you like me as a woman... You're that confusing!"

Silence trembled the empty bridge as I heaved a deep breath.

"And they were convincing me to the brim... that you really do. But of course, I didn't believe them," I said. "And I wasn't supposed to believe them until you started your ways out of nowhere! Until I received a bouquet and a letter from you and everything—everything up to this followed! Tangina, kasi, the usual 'yun! Tama ka naman! Ikaw na nagsabi!"

I was stunned when he shook his head. His lips were apart when I cut him off;

"And, no. Don't worry, I know you don't like me. I know you do like me as your best friend because you're used to having me around. Kiesha the go-to friend when your dates fall apart; Kiesha the friend you had since you were seven; Kiesha the woman who seemed to be your lost sister—I get it. I am those!" I continued. Humikbi ako nang humigpit na naman ang dibdib ko mula sa sunod-sunod na pagluha.

"God... you're so used to having me... that you can't seem to let me go, 'no?" A soft chuckle escaped my lips. "That's why you fucking took up Tourism instead of HRM! Christ! What was in your mind? I can't believe you're that shallow! For god's sake, Silas!"

I was panting.

I was expecting Silas to finally say something.

But it was a surprise... because he moistened his lower lip instead as he let out a chuckle—that sounded like a pained one. It seemed as if his heart got shattered before his eyes.

"So, that's what you think of me after all of these years..." He smiled forlornly. "Shallow."

A lone tear ran down my cheek as I pang hit my chest. "What was I supposed to think...?"

He shook his head before gazing down. My mouth swung open when I saw him... wipe his cheeks using the back of his hand.

He didn't say anything.

He remained unusually silent.

I closed my eyes as I ran my hand down my face. "Silas, tell me what I was supposed to think!" I said. "Because everything... everything is still confusing the heck out of me! You—your gestures are always sending me vague signals! I don't know why you're like this; you like being with me all the fucking time—"

"Because I love you!" he cut me off. His eyes darted to mine—the stare was foreign this time that I felt chills down my spine. He sighed. "Marchienne... I love you... Is it clear this time?"

My heart thudded to the ground.

"You want the truth?" Silas heaved a breath, averting his gaze, as he ran his palm through his hair for a second before facing me once again. "Kiesha, I love you since I was eighteen; when you asked me to be your prom date for the ball. I love you since I was nineteen; when you picked me as your last dance for your debut. I love you since I was twenty; when you decided you dream to visit all the places in this world with me."

He paused, momentarily staring into my eyes.

"And I'm twenty-two now. It has been four years and I still do," he whispered. "I still love you... like the usual."

My chest was welling up. I couldn't even bear to breathe nor utter a single syllable.

Silas scoffed. "I took up Tourism because the day I met you, I realized I also wanted to seek the ends of the world. Because your eyes had so much vigor to convince me that the world is still a beautiful place to marvel at—that deep down, despite me thinking that we only live inside a vicious cycle of histories, at the end of the day, there's still something much more promising that the skyline holds for us."

He smiled together with his eyes—ironically when those orbs were reflecting so much pain.

"And I want to be with you the moment I get a hold of that," he added.

I remained to stare at him in silence, lips agape, taking the time to articulate the right words to say.

I watched as Silas stepped forward. He removed his trench coat before looking at me once again, eyes emotionless and filled with... grief.

"I guess that's what you wanted to hear," he said before draping his trench coat over my shoulders.

And the next second, I saw him walk away.

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082
Narration