A Change of Heart

Chapter 4 - Unexpected Guests

I couldn't look Amy in the eye. I think she sensed something was wrong, but she didn't question it. I don't remember speaking much to her. I couldn't open my mouth for fear of telling her everything I had done, so I didn't. In each class, I sat as far away from her as possible, and blamed it on a bad stomach. Eventually, she stopped asking questions.

Not that it made me any happier about what I'd done. On way home from school, I was plagued with guilt. Amy was a fantastic friend, she deserved Ryan, and yet I was treating her terribly. I'd crossed the line - what I'd done was unforgivable, I knew that, and yet I still couldn't find the will to stay away from him.

Even when I was sat in my room, pondering mine and Amy's friendship, his messy black locks, sea-green eyes and firm jawline encroached upon my thoughts. I barely thought about Jake anymore. It was as though Ryan came along with a giant hammer and struck him out of my heart. Now he occupies it alone, and my feelings grow deeper every time I think of him, every time I reminisce over that one night, with my body pressed so close to his.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the front door. I made to answer it, but before I was fully stood I heard mum fiddling with the lock. I heard the low mumble of her voice as she greeted our guest.

"Hannah, there's a boy here for you" My mother called, elongating 'boy' suggestively.

My heart was in my mouth. Was this Ryan? I couldn't wait to see him again. Maybe we could sort something out. Maybe we could be together.

I virtually ran out of the room, eager to see him. I sprinted down the stairs, nearly tripping up, and flew down a corridor. My heart beat ten times faster due to my anticipation, but as soon as I reached the door, my face fell.

Jake.

He stood the doorway. His lushness was overwhelming, his demeanour playful.

I smiled to my mum, indicating silently that it was time for her to go. She shut the door behind her. Jake grabbed my wrist and virtually dragged me outside.

"Come on, there's something I need to tell you."

I didn't say anything, just followed behind him as he lead the way through the village. Once we'd stopped, I took in my surroundings.

I was greeted by the familiar beauty of Oak Lane. Jake had stalled just outside of Suzanne's, and I saw the staff members fulfilling their customers' orders through the window. Jake turned me so that my back was to the cafe, and all that could capture my attention was him.

"The other day in maths was amazing. The first time I'd really talked to you one on one. It wasn't much, but there was something about you that really got me thinking..." He paused for a long moment. "I want to try something. It will be new for me, cos you're not really my type of crowd, no offence, but I think we could make it work. Just bear with me."

He leaned in. My whole body was tense. I'd lost control of the situation the moment I saw him stood in the doorway. Was this actually happening? I couldn't get my head around any of it. Unfortunately, I didn't have any time to, because he was getting closer and closer to my lips. The layers of guilt were unbelievable, was I actually cheating on the person who was cheating on my best friend? It was all too convoluted. I was dazed, in a dream world, and Jake was advancing on me. In a few seconds my first kiss would have been stolen in the most horrendous way imaginable.

That was when I saw him.

One glance at those deep eyes and I snapped back to reality. I turned my head and with a fraction of a second to spare, Jake's kiss planted on my cheek. Jake recoiled, utterly baffled. I looked back to where I had just seen Ryan, but he had already gone.

I ignored Jake, who was walking away, red with either anger or embarrassment, and scaled the lane with my eyes. I couldn't see him. Oh god... Please, please don't let this be happening! Did he think I had fallen for Jake? Of course he did, or else he wouldn't have gone. I pictured his beautiful face, twisted in bewildered angst. I felt a roaring urge to shake him and scream that it wasn't what it looked like.

Up ahead, down a little pathway in the woods near the road, I saw a tall figure with black hair gaining away from me.

"RYAN!" I yelled, running towards him. I don't know whether he heard me, but if he did he continued undeterred.

I broke the line in trees. The heavy stomps of my feet unsettled clouds of dry earth which sprung up around my ankles. The wood wasn't dense at all, so plenty of light filtered through. The light passed through the gaps in the trees and illuminated the pathway in front of me, guiding me to Ryan.

Once I caught up, I ran in front of him so as to block his path. His jaw was tight.

I didn't know what to say, but my head screamed at me to speak before I lost him forever "Ryan... I... ,

He raised a blithe eyebrow.

"Ryan, I didn't want that to happen, it was all him-"

"Save your bullshit for Jake, Hannah." He said. His eyes burned into mine, but if not for his tense jaw he gave no outward sign of being at all affected. "What? You though I liked you? How. Embarrassing."

I was utterly astounded. I'd never seen him angry before. I'd expected something i could placate. But this.... "Ryan.. Please..."

" Ryan! Ryan!" He mimicked. It would have been funny if it wasn't so painful. "You'd make a good actress, you know. What?

You think I don't recognise the techniques I have myself employed with you? You never really liked me, Hannah. Just like I never really like you."

Cold tears rolled down my cheeks. This couldn't be happening. Ryan shoved past me and continued to walk away. I was speechless, my heart going a hundred miles an hour. Was this how our story would conclude? With him leaving me broken hearted amid the woods? I couldn't quite believe it.

But if this was the last time I would ever speak to him, there was one last thing he had to hear me say.

"Ryan!" I called, and waited for him to turn around. Eventually he did, with an exaggerated sigh. I gathered every feeling I had for him, every memory and every thought and projected them into one single phrase:

"I love you"