stray kids imagines

Bang Chan: Only

hey guysss its my birthday night (idk if thats what u call it) so i didnt write much cus i didnt have time and yk anyway i hope u like it and im sorry its short !! 

Bang chan x Fem!reader (FLUFF)

Wc: 690

WARNINGS: negative self-image, comfort and bittersweetness 

chan walks to the bathroom, his only intention being to wash his hands after cleaning up some pineapple juice he spilled on the floor. what he doesn't expect is to find the door locked, muffled noises floating through the crack underneath. at first, a smile crosses his face, because the sounds are almost musical, like you're singing softly to yourself as you brush your hair. but as he presses closer, the smile slowly fades. the truth dawns upon him - you're crying.

"love?" he says in alarm, wiggling the doorknob a little. "love, are you alright?"

abruptly, the muffled sobbing ceases, and he hears your voice, strong and clear, as though you weren't just crying into your sleeve a second before. "yes?" you say. it's amazing just how normal you sound - it makes your boyfriend irate.

"why are you crying?" he asks gently, now tapping his knuckles gently on the wood. "can you let me in, darling?"

"I'm not crying," you reply. your voice is sweet, steady; if he was anyone else but the man who loved you, he'd be fooled. chan hears the sink come on, splashing noises as you rinse the tear stains from your cheeks.

despite your little act, some hesitancy manages to bleed through in the way you reluctantly pull open the door. you don't make eye contact, and it allows chan to rake his gaze over your carefully blank face, the scrubbed look of your still-damp cheeks, the wrinkles on your sleeves from being clutched in your fists.

"darling, look at me," chides chan tenderly. his fingers lift your chin, gently forcing you to meet his eyes.

there's love in those eyes. and more than a little bit of hurt - whether from hearing you cry or hearing you lie, you're not sure. the planes of his face are painted with such softness that he looks like a watercolour of pure care. pure concern. your face twists as the faucet turns on behind your eyes.

you're sobbing again, and he pulls you carefully into his hold, large hand petting soothingly down the back of your head. his croons rumble in his chest, vibrating against your trembling hands that cling to his hoodie. desperately, you take shallow breaths of his calming scent, and it helps a little to ease your crying.

"how can I help if you don't tell me what's wrong, love?" murmurs chan. "let me help you. let me love you."

at first, you can't bring yourself to speak the truth.

"I-I'm no one's only anything," you sniffle, hiding your face with shame. you know it's not true, but it certainly feels that way - more often than you ever wanted to let on. "I'm a second choice for everybody."

again, his fingers tug at your chin so he can stare at your red-rimmed eyes. "that's such a lie and you know it," he rebukes gently. "you're my only." he presses a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead. "my everything." to your cheek. "mine." to your lips - slow, soft, warm.

he says nothing, breathes deeply, cradles your face and wipes your tears with his thumbs whilst he kisses you breathless. even though you're falling apart for no apparent reason, even though you're still crying even as he kisses you open and makes you feel his love, chan stays. he stays now, in this moment, despite your hatred of your own selfish thoughts. he's always stayed despite your self-consciousness, your awareness that you're not worthy of anyone. and as he kisses you now, smoothing his rough fingers across your face, chan tries his best to convince you that he always will stay.

you don't really believe it, not for a second. not after all the people who've broken your heart pretending to adore you for the sake of the game. but you allow yourself, just for a second, to make believe it's true.