It was the next day after the incident with Læon.. I mean yeah he sucks cockroaches but he told me more about the party from King Laura And now I get it Marmaris is still not over Lord Walter Whenever she talks about him I don't really listen It gets me low hearing her talk about someone who had what i always wanted I should have known that she wanted him still but... Urgh i don't know If i had listened maybe i would have cried during the conversation I am not good with being love sick... Sometimes I felt I should just leave her, leave her before she left me, assert some power. Go back to just doing nothing under my bridge, and as pathetic as i was, I felt too mature for her... But I loved her. Too much that the idea of leaving her hurt. My breathing was laboured. I probably looked so pathetic but I had to suck it up. It was life. But the end of mine.
I started listening to vermillion pt. 2 because that's just the right tone of emotions i needed right now
I rolled my eyes at my own stupid thoughts as I sat up. Blinked as I scanned the room. My room. I couldnt swallow the jealousy if I was honest. Lord Walter and Marmar seemed so close. Yet I couldn't reach that.
There was a knock at my door. I didnt answer for a moment.
"Čđhqª?"
"Come in." I said as tiddly smiled a tray of coffee and cookies In it's hand.
"Çhääääärj?" he asked
"Eh..."
he sighed
"Im fine." I said
He looked at me sad as he pointed to the record i was listening to "Marmar" he said
"Bei der quadratwurzel von e just leave tiddly can't you see that I'm trying to be emo??"
He looked at me offended I felt sorry But then he waddeled out of my room Leaving me alone
Alone with my thoughts Alone with my worries
I sighed as I went to the kitchen, knowing I was going to be stupid...I didnt want to feel. I picked up the bottle of jack that sat on the side and held it to my lips.
"Please marmar let the good in you win, take me and let that poohead walter alone, you have me" I cried out and wished i could say it to her face
I closed my eyes as I drunk it, necking as much as I could. I needed to be drunk. I didnt want to feel. It burnt my throat as I put it down. Burping loud for good measure.
I felt so hurt. So fucked over. So unwanted. I was dirty. I was ugly. I was fat unnecessary and just plain stupid. I started crying again. Lord Walter was better for her. She seemed happier without me.
I went over to my medication and grabbed a few. Swallowing them with the jack. Fuck the exceed dosage warnings. I wanted to be gone in the moment. I just needed the rest. The break. For everything to slow down. Stop. Just finish. I felt woozy Goozy as my thoughts disconnected. Her going back to him, kills me. I sobbed gently as I sat down. I lit up a kaugummi cigarette and held it to my lips. Sobbing gently😌. I wanted to destroy everything in my sight but I couldn't do that because I would have to clean it up. I placed the cigarette inbetween my lips as I got up. Grabbing the chair I threw it in rage. Fuck walter! I looked at it as it landed...it didnt make me feel better 😔🤧😪😤🙃 I exhaled gently taking another swing from the Jack Daniel's as I choked out another sob. I was pathetic. ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's me story writer Short cut To brag
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