Something In The Rain

Lost

I roll over the next morning, to try and dodge the bright sun coming in through the white curtains.  I feel Taehyug roll over as well, and suddenly his arms are wrapping around me and pulling me into him. He digs his head into my neck and drapes his leg over mine. This completely throughs me off and my breath hitches. Felt his hot breaths on my neck and his hands locked together, keeping me close to him. I'm embraced with the warmth that always seems to roll off him. I hate that I have to leave, but I really should. I slowly unlock his hands and roll out of the bed. When I peek back at him he is still peacefully asleep. Now hugging a pillow in my place, and I'm slightly envious of the pillow. 

I move to the desk to grab my phone. I pick up a strayed pen and opened his sketchbook, quickly scribbling my phone number down. Pick up my heels from the floor, then I pass a mirror and realize what I'm wearing. A baggy olive green tee shirt that ends at my mid-thigh, and extremely oversized basketball shorts that go past my knees. I remember that my clothes are in the dryer, and tiptoe out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I turn around and I met with a tall ashy blonde-haired man, who seemed to be exiting the room behind him. I stop in my tracks and so does he, he looks taken by my presence. "Where's your dryer?" I asked him, not having time for this, I needed to leave before Taehyung was awake. Before I went against everything I was taught, and climbed back into bed, and let him hold me, I have been in a constant battle with myself since the minute I left the club with him. Last night was the moment I chose to live, but I needed to fall back into reality. I cannot drag Taehyung into my life. I'm not going to do anything but ruin it. 

But if I really believed that I wouldn't have left my number. 

 Namjoon turns his head slightly, a puzzled look written across his face. But, he leads me to a closet down the hall and opens it, revealing the washer and dryer. I open the dryer door and see that my dress is the only thing there. I pull it out and turn to the bathroom adjacent to the closet. I nod a silent thank you to the tall blonde before shutting and locking the door behind me. I slip out of the baggy clothes and throw the long-sleeved black body con dress over my head. I turn to the mirror, grab a random hair tie off the sink, and tie my hair into a high ponytail. I stare at myself, pushing back the idea of staying in this bathroom where I don't have to face anyone. 

I heave a sigh as I open the door, I reach for my phone and power it on. I rush down the steps and slip into my heels once at the front door. "Well hello there. Where are you rushing off to?" I turn to find the husky voice I assume is confronting me, and I spot the raven hair boy that was passed out on the couch last night. He stands in the kitchen in front of the open fridge, I wave and rush out the door. I walk up the street and turn the corner, frantically calling for a cab. I stand and wait, as people walk by, looking me up and down, I have a pretty good idea of what I look like, in my black heels, and a dress that barely covers my knees. Oh if my mother could see me now. The cab finally gets to me and I hop in, giving the driver the address to my apartment. He drives silently which I can appreciate, other than the glances he makes in the rearview every couple of minutes. I fall back into the leather, leaning my head back. All I can think of is Taehyung, and how I feel when I'm with him. His wide boxy smile, and his smooth tan skin that's littered with what seems to be an endless amount of tattoos. I didn't want to leave him, I'm cold without his constant flow of heavy warmth. But, I can't drag him down, I know nothing about the life he lives, me being in his life would do nothing but drag him down. My parents would constantly make him feel like he was not enough, try to break him down so they can build him back up in their image. 

Like they did to me. 

My phone buzzing in my lap rips me from my thoughts. I look down and it's Hoseok, I thought he would have stopped calling last night. Guess not. I heave and sigh and answer. "Hello?", I ask monotonously into the phone. "Soni!? Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I just didn't think you would answer. I've been calling since last night." He sounds completely rattled and all over the place. His words are rushed and run together. "What is this about Hoseok?" I ask dryly. "Can we talk, please? Please just give me a chance to explain, please?" I sigh, and the conversation goes quiet, I don't know if I want to talk. What could he possibly say? "Okay." Is all I say and hang up. "Miss?", my head shoots up at the driver, then out the window. I pull some money from my purse and then exit the car. 

Once inside my apartment, I go straight to the bathroom and turn on the shower. I slip out of the club clothes and step into the steaming hot shower. Finally, alone, I break down harder than I ever have in my life. My thoughts are running a mile a minute, and I can't keep it together anymore. I stand in the shower for an hour before finally turning the water off and wiping the tears from my face. 

Hours Later

I was in bed, watching a movie when my doorbell rings. I haven't left this spot since I got home. Not to eat, I can't find my appetite. I just want to stay here, where I can't be hurt. My own fortress of loneliness. The bell rings through the house again, and I finally roll myself out of bed. and trudge to the front door. Waiting for me on the other side is Hoseok, with a bag in one hand and flowers in the other. Why does he think flowers fix everything? He raises the bag of food in surrender. I step to the side and let him in. He walks in and sits the food on the living room table. Lowering himself into the couch. I stand at the end of the couch, watching him, waiting for him to say whatever he needs to so he can leave. We sit in uncomfortable silence for what seems like forever. He sighs, leaning his head on his fist. He hasn't looked at me once since he entered my apartment. "Soni," His voice cuts through the eerie silence. "I don't know what to say. I mean I know what I should say but I feel like that's not enough." I just stand, when I don't say anything he continues, and finally looks me in the face. "I'm sorry Soni, and I will do anything to make it up to you." I cross my arms over my chest, sucking in a deep breath. "There is nothing you can do Hoseok. Absolutely nothing. You preached to me about ruining your image. When what you did could make you and my family a laughing stock. But, I do want to thank you. You have given me the push I need to finally, finally, start living for myself." Hoseok's mouth has dropped at this point and he seems to be having trouble wrapping his head around what I've said. "So..what are you saying?" he asked, clearly taken aback. I turn and walk to the door. I open it and turn to him, "Tell my parents I'm done, and the weddings off." I smile sweetly, ignoring my panicking heart. His head drops, and he quietly exits my apartment. I slam the door behind him for an extra touch. I take a deep breath, finally being able to breathe. I sit on the couch and happily dig into the food he left behind.