now or never

new hopes and dreams

          It's now been a month since the incident, and sadly I have to return to hero work, so the squad and I set up a rotation so one of us would be with Kirishima at all times. I wanted someone to be with him if he woke up. Most of my patrol was plain and simple. A mild robbery, a few vandalized cars or such nothing too extreme, but still I was ready for it to be over. I wanted to be beside Kirishima, not wandering around waiting on crimes.
         At 8:45 PM my shift was coming to an end when I received a call from Kaminari, who was with Kirishima today. I hit the button and spoke. "Is he ok, did something happen? I'm about to head that way!" "Nah bro, he's ok, actually he moved, the doctor said it might be an involuntary movement, but there is hope, I thought I'd tell you first." Once his words registered in my mind I teared up. It wasn't much, but it was hope. "Thanks, I'm on my way." I hung up, grabbed my bag, and rushed to the hospital. Once I got into Kirishima's room, Kaminari smiled and patted my shoulder. I nodded my head, and took the chair beside Kirishima, as Kaminari walked out. I normally read the latest on heroes, or one of Kirishima's favorite books out loud to him. Yes I know it's cheesy, but it helps pass the time, and I feel he can hear me, so it's worth it.
            The clock now read thirty minutes til midnight, and I was getting exhausted, so I grabbed my pillow and blanket the hospital lent to me and took it to the recliner in the corner. I'm not a very religious person, but since Kirishima's incident I've prayed to whatever God there is for him to wake up every night before bed. After that I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
         When I opened my eyes I was standing in that scene, again. There he was, just like before, except I couldn't move. I tried to push myself forward but I wouldn't move. Then suddenly it was like I was in a tunnel drifting farther away from him. I cried out to him but of course he couldn't respond. As he faded farther away I felt myself falling fast. I closed my eyes awaiting the inevitable impact, but it seemed to never come. When I finally managed to open my eyes again I stood in my old dorm room. "Hey Bakubro, I know you said you don't have friends or relationships, cause they are a distraction, but what would you do if you did have feelings for someone? Would you tell them?" I recognized that, it was a memory.
         2nd year Kirishima had asked me that very question. "Tch, why would I do that, it's a waste of my damn time." I replied. I didn't mean it, like it sounded. I had a lot of issues and it made me think no one would ever want to be with me so why say something just to get rejected, but why am I here, what reason did my mind replay this moment. Kirishima laughed. "Yea, I guess so. Kinda dangerous, to be a hero with a family." He smiled softly. Wait, why didn't I notice that before? Is it just a dream or was that real. For some reason he looked sad. Why was he sad? Did he like someone, or was it just fear he would and not be able to be with them?
Kirishima and I never really talked much about romantic stuff. The thought of love never crossed my mind, why is that? 'Do I really believe that no one will love me? Wait, why does it matter? What is going on?' my thoughts were racing. I felt so confused. Soon enough the room was spinning and I saw memories of Kirishima and I, some just us others with the squad, then it stopped abruptly.
           The memory I then saw was the day Kirishima reached out to me and took my hand. The day he saved me.
The look in his eyes, the determination, he would rather die than let me fall. Why did he care so much? He was the only reason anyone even came to save me. He said he felt guilty he wasn't there to help me, but that's just it. It wasn't on him to help me, he was where he was supposed to be. What happened wasn't his fault, no it was mine I came off villainous, so villains saw an opportunity. That was on me. Yet here he is risking his life, his future, and his dreams to save me, why?
           When I woke up I was covered in a cold sweat. I looked at the clock and it was 5:21am. I sighed. 'of course I had to wake up before daylight. After a few moments I realized I was kind of hungry so I decided to go grab a snack from the vending machine down the hall. I stood walked over to check on Kirishima, once I was sure everything was ok I walked out the room. As I walked down the hall I replayed the dream in my head, so many questions were running through my mind. The most important one was why was Kirishima so important in that dream? Once I reached the vending machine I punched in the code for a snack and then I saw something that caught my attention. It was Kirishima's favorite back in highschool. He would eat it religiously. I smiled at the memory. I don't know why but I felt drawn to buy it. Once I had the snacks I made my way back to the room. I entered and took the chair beside Kirishima and began to eat my food. I took out my phone and noticed two texts from Deku and Mina, and a missed call from my mom. I read the texts.
Mina: Hey, how's Kiri doing??? 12:05am
Me: he's ok, still unconscious but he's stable. 5:54am

Deku: Hey, kacchan just wanted to check in on Kirishima and his progress. 1:20am
Me: he's fine, still in a coma 5:56am

Then I dialed my mom's number. "Katsuki, how are you? How is Kirishima? Is there any sign he'll wake up?" She asked. "Yea, I'm good, he's still out but he moved earlier we don't know if it was him or an involuntary movement but we are hoping." She sighed. " That's good, I hope he wakes up soon. I'm worried sick about you both." "I promise I'm fine, and as soon as Kirishima wakes up I'll call you." I told her. "Ok, please do." We said goodbye and I hung up. Mom and I got close after highschool, I started to calm down a bit and my temper mellowed out. I told her all my worries and problems, how I blamed myself and felt like a failure, and she helped me through it. I stopped calling her 'old hag' and cussing her. Tried to show her more respect.
             It was now 6:30am. I was tired but restless. I decided I would go to the restroom and try to splash water on my face after all there was no way I was going back to sleep. Once I cut the water off I slid down the wall, knees bent to my chest. I blamed myself for so much in my life, but the worst I could think was it's my fault Kirishima is here, if I had been there he'd be ok, but no I wasn't there to protect him. 'Wait what? Protect?' Why did that cross my mind? Kirishima never needed my protection, so why would I offer it? 'I want to protect him!' 'What the holy hell is wrong with me? Get it together Katsuki!'
              I stood and opened the door walking back in to the main room. When I looked up to where Kirishima would be laying however, there were a set of bright red eyes staring back at me. My eyes widened as I realized what was going on. "Hey, Bakubro, can I get something to eat? I'm starving."