dull - Byler

-6-

mike POV

I didn't go to school the next 3 days. not only did I feel guilty, I couldn't face will. not after I'd yelled at him. I still don't know why I lashed out, he was only trying to help. but nonetheless, I did. and watched as he left, without saying sorry.

as much as I want to avoid him, I also wanted nothing more than to hug him and say sorry. I truly feel bad, but I'm such a terrible person. why would he accept my apology? I've hurt him so much. that's why I deserve this. why I deserve the pain I go through, the mental drainage.

guilt caused me to lay in bed, paralyzed. but on Wednesday night, after so much pondering, I stepped out of bed.

instantly, my vision started to go black, but I pushed through it and made my way to the bathroom. the light flickered slightly when I turned it on, and the tile was freezing against my bare feet.

slowly and shakily, I turned on the shower. I barely turned the knob, and the water was freezing. it woke me up slightly, feeling like needles against my back. when my arm began to sting, I remembered why I avoided showers. I choked back tears as the water hit my arm, wincing in pain. luckily, very quickly, my body got used to the water and the pain subsided.

showers are a lot of work for me, so I was very quickly in and out. my bathroom light was almost too bright for me, it hurt my eyes. I very quickly dried my hair and ran out of my bathroom into my room, and grabbed a sweatshirt and shorts.

will POV

I haven't seen mike since Sunday, and he hasn't been to school in three days. naturally, I'm concerned. my first thought was that he killed himself- but I definitely would've heard if he did. that doesn't make me any less scared for him.

I thought about going to his house again, but I didn't want to anger him anymore. I don't know if he's still mad at me, and even if he isn't I don't want to risk it. I will wait for him.

I couldn't focus on my classes, I noticed I was less talkative. even though he never talked even when I saw him, I really missed mike. I love all my other friends, but mike's different.

but on Wednesday, mike came back to school.

he looked really, really drained. his eyes were red and puffy. he didn't take his eyes from off the ground the whole morning, while picking at his hands. the blood on them had been washed off. he was wearing an oversized black jacket and black sweatpants.

a leaf fell, nesting in his hair. I turned around to tell him.

"you've got an uh- leaf."

he looked for it, to no avail. so I I grabbed it myself. our hands brushed against each others, and he locked eyes with me. blushing a light pink. I always find myself staring a second too long. but I have to break the silence, or I would make things more awkward than they already are.

"got it!" I say, my voice upbeat. he barely cracks a weak smile before the bell rings, signaling to go inside.

he walks very slowly behind me, keeping his eyes on the ground. I can tell things are awkward between us because of Sunday.

I make my way to first period, and before I enter the door I look back, and see no mike. he disappears more and more commonly, to the bathroom I assume. I don't know why, or what he is doing in there. but he always comes back, seemingly sadder than before? I wish I knew but, I don't want to intrude. but it does seem weird.

mikes POV

I almost run to the bathroom, desperately holding back tears. seeing will after I was terrible to him hurt so bad. he doesn't deserve to worry about me. I wish I'd disappear so he didn't have to worry, I wish I could just die.

I throw myself on the cold tile. dried tears from the previous night are washed away by new ones. the mix between anger at myself and depression overwhelmed me. my emotions are so hard to comprehend- I wish I knew why. I felt like the world was against me, but at the same time like the world was caving in on me. it was almost suffocating.

so, with a mix between anger and sadness, I grabbed a razor-blade from out of my bag. I dug it into my skin, and when I swiped I was sent into panic.

too deep, too deep

pain like I've never felt before washed over me. blood instantly dripped on the ground, pouring out of me. even though I felt scared of myself in the moment, it was euphoric to see so much blood drip on the ground.

again

will POV

I couldn't help but overthink about what mike could be doing. it just doesn't make sense as to what he could be doing. I looked to my right to ask max. she seemed to be paying attention but when I turned she did to.

"what do you think mikes doing when he disappears?"

"who knows" max whispered. I have a feeling no one knows, but max was probably the worst person to ask.

its not gonna leave me alone, so I asked to go to the bathroom.

"just be fast" the teacher said before went out the door.

the hall was creepily silent. I heard the air conditioning, and I very quickly pulled my hands into my sweater when I felt it.

I ran to the bathroom. alarms were going off in my brain, scared for what I could walk in on. but something told me, I need to get to the bathroom fast.

I took a deep breath before I walked into the bathroom. the door was loud when I opened it- I hope I didn't scare him.

"mike?' I asked. no response.

   but, I recognize his legs in the biggest stall, along with-

   oh my god. is that blood?

   I could hear his shaky breath along with light sobs in the stall.

  "will please- go away"

    I thought I could break down right then and there. it was way worse than I thought it could be. blood dripped down on the floor quickly.

    "please.." my voice was close to a whisper. I couldn't comprehend what was happening.

     I pushed on the door. I  didn't wanna bang on it, I could scared him. but even with a slight push, the door opened. the school was pretty old, the locks sucked.

     initial relief washed over me as the door opened, but when I saw mike on the floor I panicked.

      he looked the worst I had seen in my life. his hair was a mess, his eyes were redder than before, tears streaming down his face. it was worse than I thought. this explains the blood stained hands, the hoodies, refusing to swim in lakes we visit.

       as quickly as I could I closed and locked the door. 

       I didn't know what to do. seeing this was enough to make me cry.

      "mike.." I whispered.

      "I'm so sor-sorry" mike said. I could barely make out what he said.

        he lifted his hands to cry into them, and that's when I hugged him. his hands wrapped tightly around my back, his nails digging into my back. I didn't mind one bit. I just want to be there for him. I want to be a shoulder for him to cry on.

        now, I will. I didn't know before- but now that I do I will do everything in my power to help.

         at first, he sobbed loudly into my shoulder but slowly he calmed down. his grip on my loosened. his breath became less shaky, and soon I realized he had fallen asleep on my shoulder.

1359 words

A/N

writing this after watching volume 2 is so sad, sorry its been a few days, thank you for the reads <3