twenty-three suns | kang taehyun

FOUR DAYS LEFT

Taehyun's apartment was beginning to look more homey.

Every time you went over to his place, there would be less boxes stacked up against the walls, more decorations, more mess—really, proof of life in the previously bare apartment—Taehyun wasn't messy by any means. He'd even called you once, bright and early in the morning, asking you which mirror to get for his bedroom wall, to which you'd sleepily replied something you don't particularly remember. Now that you're in his bedroom again, you can see that he listened to your opinion and chose the mirror with a gold frame. You stared at your reflection in it as you brought his sheets up to cover your chin, feeling oddly more exposed than usual.

"Do you like it?" Taehyun asked, noticing your fixation on the shiny new addition, "Kai wanted me to get the square one with the black frame, but I thought it was sort of ugly."

"It's nice," you said softly, "goes well with the rest of your place." Taehyun hummed in response, reaching over to his bedside table to pull out a joint, obviously previously rolled. In his other hand he held a lighter, flicking it a few times before the flame kept, and he held it to the end of the joint, holding the other end between his kiss-swollen lips. Even doing such a mundane task, he was beautiful, bathed in the now-familiar yellow light from his small lamp, also on the nightstand. You watched a small plume of smoke billow from his slightly parted lips as he exhaled, coughing a few times before offering it to you silently. He'd done this a few times before, but you'd never accepted. This time, however, you carefully took it pinched between your thumb and pointer finger, and mirroring his actions, putting it between your lips and inhaling deeply. It was bitter and just odd at the same time, very different from the cigarettes you had tried before, and you found an overwhelming urge to cough it up. Quickly, you passed it back to him as you did so, rough coughs wracking your body until you felt drool beginning to drip from your lower lip. Taehyun just chuckled and reached over to thumb at your saliva, wiping it away gently.

"It's always rough when you smoke for the first time," he said, "but if it makes you feel any better, you took it much better than Kai did. He almost coughed up his lungs."

Weakly, you laughed, wiping away tears that had gathered in the corners of your eyes from the force of your coughs. "When will it kick in?" you asked, slightly nervous, as you'd planned to leave quite quickly after you finished your business with Taehyun. Nowadays, staying the night felt too normalized, too domestic for your liking. You knew you needed to start distancing yourself from him a little if you didn't want your heart to be ripped out when you left. But for some reason, you'd taken a hit, hoping that you'd be too high to drive home, and you'd be forced to stay.

"Maybe ten minutes?" he said, shrugging. "It's different for everyone."

You laid back a little as Taehyun turned off the lamp, assuming that you were staying over as usual. He snuggled into your side and pressed soft kisses upon your exposed collarbone. You gnawed on your tongue, only slightly uncomfortable from the plushness of his lips. "Maybe... I should go before it kicks in," you said, pushing him off gently. You made the mistake of looking at his reaction, your heart aching as his big, round eyes looked up at you, brows furrowed. He looked like a kicked puppy, and you found yourself wanting to cup his small face in your hands and kiss him again, deeply, to convey all the emotions you were feeling.

"You shouldn't drive," he said finally, turning away from you. "I can drive you."

"No, it's fine," you said quickly, but almost as soon as you said that, you felt your head start to spin, and you blinked hard to try and steady yourself.

Taehyun cocked his head to the side, lips pushed into a disapproving pout. "Seriously. Let's go." He swung his legs over the side of the bed and pulled his shirt back on, and you turned away to do the same. Once you were fully clothed, he offered you his hand, but you pretended not to see it, pushing past him and making a beeline for his front door.

The night was as beautiful as a summer night could be. There was no breeze, and the air was warm enough to be comfortable without being too hot. If you weren't feeling like such a piece of shit, you would have wholeheartedly enjoyed it.

You pulled open the door to Taehyun's car, climbing inside and plopping yourself in his passenger seat. You refused to look at the small decoration dangling from his rear view mirror that you'd picked out for him at the same time he'd bought his new mirror. He slid into the driver's seat soon after, and you watched his pretty hands turn the key and settle on the wheel as the car started up. Then you looked away, choosing to look out the window instead, head swimming, as you think you heard him shift the gear. You didn't even realize when the car started moving, eyes shiny and unblinking as you stared mindlessly at the passing scenery. "How are you feeling?" he asked, and you had to blink hard to refocus yourself.

"Sleepy," you answered, mouth feeling fuzzy. You thought you heard Taehyun answer, but you weren't fully paying attention, and then you realized that the car had stopped again, and your house was in sight. "Thank you," you said blearily.

"Of course," he replied, and you climbed out, managing to unlock the front door almost soundlessly and close it behind you, not sparing Taehyun a last look.

The stairs seemed like more of a challenge than usual, and you had to squint to see the fuzzy outline of your feet in the dark. Your room was familiar and comforting as you crawled into bed, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep peacefully. But thoughts of Taehyun swarmed your previously clear mind, and you rubbed your eyes furiously, trying to manually shoo those thoughts away.

It was too painful, you realized, to see him again. A tear leaked out from your eye and slid down your cheek, soaking into your pillowcase. From sadness or from fatigue, you couldn't tell. But you hoped it was the latter, because you'd promised yourself that you wouldn't fall in love with Kang Taehyun, over and over again. And you couldn't break that promise.