Enjoy my lovely rant -
The dreams I have, the constant thoughts that consume me, it all comes leading back to the exact same place.
You.
I don't know what it was that we had, all I know is that it felt real. So real to the point where I had been willing to do anything for you.
Maybe we were never meant for each other. But if somehow we were, I will always be waiting for you. I am here, whenever you are ready to come home.
I have this feeling in me that might never go away. It is a feeling, more like an ache in my heart that doesn't leave. It sticks with me everywhere I go, there's no escaping it. I just wish that you had to carry that around with you like I do. I struggle every single day to stay here and live the life I deserve but you ruined that for me. You pushed me down to the floor and left. You didn't look back to see if I was hurt, you didn't even mind that you damaged me. It was like I was nothing to you. I felt used, suffocated, intoxicated by this one man who I thought loved me the way I loved him. Oh how I was so wrong.
I wish you could see the nights that I sob into my pillow wishing you would come back. The nights I cry in silence because I miss the sound of your voice. The most horrid nights that I sit in the scorching hot water and think about what I could have done to make you hate me this much. But I always come up empty. I don't have an answer for the question I would like answered the most, but I have come to peace with it. Come to peace with the fact that I will truly never know why I was discarded like a piece of trash. Some nights it's worse than others. One night you overwhelm me with you're presence and other nights you don't even cross my mind. I don't understand why you had to do this to me.
The thoughts about moving on are as pleasant as they can get, but somehow your still here, in my mind. You take up all of my thoughts throughout the day and I don't even know why. You didn't treat me well, you weren't anything special. But in that moment you took something from me that I could never get back. You kissed me. But that was fake to. Everything you did was fake. You deserve all of the darkness you are getting. Karma is a real bitch.
