Its the fact that I always feel so empty inside that scares me to death.
I feel alone. Constantly trapped in some place where I am isolated. I feel numb.
Sometimes I don't completely understand how one human can possibly feel this way. If everything "happens for a reason", then why do I at all times wish to just disappear.
The hardest part is that no one notices, let alone cares.
I don't know why I thought that I am enough for someone. I sometimes feel like I am lovable, but if I was lovable why doesn't anyone love me. I feel isolated, abandoned, torn to pieces.
They say that everything you've been through makes you a stronger person, I honestly believe that is straight bullshit. Everything I have been through breaks me more each time. People just decide to stab a knife through my back where I can't reach far enough to pull it out. It's too deep, it bleeds you out, kills you. The knife, the scars, it never leaves, not until you find someone to take out that knife for you. Scars stay. They leave your past on you, where you cant even escape the torture.
I want to believe that I can get over everything that has happened but it's simply not possible. You can try to ignore or forget the past but those betrayals will always stay with you no matter what. And sometimes there's no explanations for it, other than the fact that it fucking sucks.
The people I trusted the most with my life, break me more then the people I hate most. The fact that I can say that is saddening. It shows how fake people really are, how you can trust nobody in this world. It hurts so badly, but somehow I can't seem to move on.
