Legends never die

I tilted my head slightly, feeling the weight of the crown moving it along. Reaching, to keep in place, while my body moved on its own, to see what's down there. And what was there?

A sea of endless possibilities, endless universes under my feet, spreading as far as eyes could reach, till the event horizon. Behind it was only darkness, as deep as black hole, which would keep everything from escaping its inevitable power. All in the reach of my hands, but the moment I would reach for it, everything would wither away, like a fog, beautiful mirage, so dear for heart but so distant.

"Never wanted to take my throne, did you?" that calm and peaceful voice, full of understanding even though I never deserved it. Or did I? I wasn't the perfect child, kind of a dissapointment on one hand, but on the other...

I always tried to make up for it.

I fought in wars, I obliterated governments, I helped my friends as much as I could, within my boundaries, which were growing with every minute, pushing me to my limits.

At first, it was all selfish. Wanting to be someone, wanting to make an impact in this world. Playing games was my remedy, my ray of joy, that's what I wanted to do for a living - because, back then, that's what was right in my opinion. I wanted to do what I love for as long as possible. Wanted to be more and more recognizable, and crossed any lines that were required to achieve what I wanted.

But as my life started changing, so did the world around me. My existence started to impact more and more people. I felt the weight of responsibility but that was somehow comforting - knowing that I'm not alone on this journey, on the path which I took.

I wanted to do the right thing, so I used my newly gained powers to help those following me. I wanted to make them smile, help them live their lives as full and joyous as possible. Cared for them and loved deeply, as they loved me. I could feel their warm embrace, sitting in the depths of my room, in the dark, alone, when I learned the truth about my health.

Decided to fight, because I could feel their support. They gave me power like no one else and in the name of that, I wanted to carry on, to fight.

Even when my big, analytic brain kept telling me that it's a lost fight from the very beginning. My followers were counting on me, supporting me as I tried this whole time to support them. It was a pleasure to have them around and an honour to know how big of an impact I had over their lives, hopefully the good one. That's what I wished for at least.

But then, that sweet weight of their companionship becomes bittersweet with every minute when my body would slowly give up on the war we've been going through. All of the friendships I've made, all the people whose lives I've impacted, it all started to turn bitter, as I understood something important.

The moment I'm gone, will be the moment when all the joy I wanted to give them would disappear. I fear no man but that thought... Why would I take away something I wanted to give so, so, so much?

Couldn't really think too much about it either, as cancer changed my plans, starting to devour me in a blink of an eye. On one hand I hoped that my absence would help me create distance. The further they were, the less it should hurt. In the end I did meet only a few of my closest friends, it could have been way worse.

On the other hand I didn't want to push them away. My current state didn't respect my will though, so did the cancer. But I couldn't force myself to record anything for them. I would always push it aside, because if I say it out loud, I...

"Hey old man" I put my hand on soft grass in the colour of a dark starry sky. "Why am I here? It's clearly not hell and I never believed in you, so what was the point?"