Kentucky Pride Dickin: KFC x Burger King

Failing Business

The room was dark, gloomy and strongly smelled of caffeine. Colonel Sanders, the owner of KFC, was slouched over his desk in his office, weak and dreary. It had been five sleepless nights for the senile mogul. It was due to Sanders being plagued with a problem that could potentially force him out of business.

Through the blinds, he caught a glimpse of McDonald's and their clown mascot, Ronald, across the street, greeting the typical fat slobs they usually spoon-feed, entering and exiting. Hold up! Never mind, those obese customers were actually just one guy, Nikocado Avocado. Nick moved so fast that it appeared as though he was in several places at once. That scooter he rides on must have been high-fucking-tech. Tesla manufactured maybe? Guess he must have been such a food slut that he would trade Elon Musk a taste of his unwashed warthog ass for it.

"Disgusting Pig" Sanders thought, grudgingly. Nevertheless, the rival restaurant was earning way more the Colonel's joint. If he wants to stay afloat in food business, he has to do drastic changes.

Suddenly, Ronald saw the colonel's stalking and proceeded to flip him the bird. He then pull out a massive megaphone from deep within his baggy trousers and yelled, "I've sent a thousand more diabetics for a boat ride on the river Styx than your sorry ass, Sanders! I didn't even pay the ferryman for em!"

Ronald soon reaches a hand, touching Nikocado's muffin-top saying, "Now watch this!" and the obese man immediately disintegrates.

That pisses the Chicken selling colonel. He rushes outside with a Molotov and threw it at the rival mascot. McDonald actively flee back inside his headquarters, ass bursting into flames. Old Colonel Sanders was brought to Juvey after that incident.

The next day, Colonel muses over ways for luring back customers. He considered adding exotic food like rats and insects to the menu to attract the Asians, but backed out because that's racist, especially coming from an old white dude.

It was when he witnessed the burn victim Ronald McDonald finger curling kids and adults alike into the establishment. Sure, it was a creepy and predatory as hell gesture but the clown has a very appealing appeal to him that it was completely bypassed by the customers. That was the missing piece to his solution. He needed to improve as a mascot. Something memorable rather than just a logo of an random old man. That shit boring as fuck.

"Oh Susanna! I be comin' up with a great Idea" Colonel Sanders hollered.

Sanders burst out of the manager door, surprising what little crowd he had left in his restaurant. He then went to the center, pulled his pants up and made his booty and balls pop. Next, Colonel's sexy hairy abdomen was shown to the world, shaking violently as Sanders begun to perform an erotic strip dance. He threw his sweaty suit to a lucky customer's chicken nuggets and that same guy would vomit afterwards.

Apart from performing the twist to amuse the elderly, the old man was not limited to just one dancing move; he also did the twerks and the floss. He perv winked at the kids who then sobbed as they saw his flabby excess butt skin flapping through his white slave owner jeans.

The audience didn't appear to be interested in his vulgar antics. No problem though, Colonel Danders was about to shock em with the main event.

"Step right up! Step right up! Ladies and men, Boys and Goils! Feast yer eyes on this!" Colonel announces before juggling his sagging tits while he twerks away. He displayed some fine flapjack flippin' enough to make Denny's and IHOP jealous. The juggled breasts afterwards got entangled into one and the pressure on the nipples caused to it to squirt boy milk out Colonel Sander's ducts.

The sour milk showered all over the customers' dishes. Now, calcium was added to the menu. However, although pissed beyond recognition, they still ate them because they can't waste money. They did boo the old dancer relentlessly though.

Colonel shed a tear. He had failed to market his brand yet again. Before he could return to his office, he overheard out of place clapping amid the heckling. Sander's located where it came from and saw it was from a man in the far corner table. He was wearing a coat with a scarf concealing his face.

Not long after, that incognito man walked towards the saddened entrepreneur, slow clapping. Each step of his foot caused his fat bulge to jiggle more than the visceral fats in his guts. It was a seductive and inviting visual. As if that wasn't sexy enough, he slowly revealed himself, and in so doing, it got even more steamy hot for he showed that he was no more than the famous Burger King.