𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘔𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦

𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘥

{ tw: abuse and s/h }
________________

while you were walking home, you couldn't get your mind off Miss Venable...

"why was she so damn attractive?!" you think to yourself. in reality of course it was impossible for the two of you to be together and you knew it, yet it didn't stop you from fantasising her tall, slim figure, her soft hands and the good feeling of them on your skin, her cold eyes that held so much secrets inside... secrets you wanted to know. secrets you wanted to make... but no, she is your teacher, and she probably doesn't even feel anything towards you. maybe she was just being kind back there; or maybe she didn't care about you at all...

but what if she did?

well it wasn't of much care to give to, at the moment, as you were now standing in front of your house.

the thought of Miss Venable's features was at the back of your mind, now you were just praying your mother would be passed out drunk so you could sneak into your room and spend the time till tomorrow there. it would be safer than doing anything else or not even coming home. your mother is a person who can look as innocent as possible when it came to parenting or rather pretending in front of others.

you unlock the door but soon enough you hear the woman inside yelling loudly at you.

"where the fuck were you!?"

"i... i had an extra class!" you try to defend yourself.

"bullshit! don't you dare lie to me y/n!" god you could smell her awful breath from the entrance...

"i just had detention, it's not a big deal! leave me the fuck alone!" as you say those words you hurry up the stairs to your room, seeing your mother approaching. you were praying she wouldn't do something horrid, but at this point your life has been so miserable with her around, you were just wondering if it would ever even change. if something good could actually happen...

"don't you dare use this tone you disgusting brat!" she yells again. you were finally in your room, now locking the door. and done. safe... at least for now.

your mother continues to bang on the door, yell at you, curse at you, but it doesn't take her much before she gives up and leaves you alone.

{ time skip }

you've been in your room for the past two hours, and ever since, you haven't heard your mother yelling at you even once. "she's probably drinking or already passed out," you think to yourself and quietly hoped you were right.

but then it hit you again... that feeling of fault. that unbearable feeling. it struck you like a lightning, cut roughly through your skin, made you clench your teeth harshly. you knew it was your fault your father left. maybe he wouldn't have, if you didn't exist. if you were never born.

and maybe if you were not here right now, he'd be. he'd be here with your mother, she won't be so miserable and helpless and maybe their lives would be so much fucking better...

maybe if you... "i can't do it..." you think to yourself, remembering Miss Venable's words. "i'm glad you didn't do it."

but then again, the feeling was still there. maybe if you just... maybe if you just hurt yourself, maybe that would end it. not taking your life, but just harming yourself. "she never said anything about that anyway, maybe it won't be so bad," you say to yourself as you get up from the floor and go to the bathroom.

you glance at yourself in the mirror, then you see the redness around your teary eyes. it made you feel miserable, worthless, helpless...

then you get a razor blade from one of the drawers and go back to your room, never hearing from your mother.