𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗩𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 (𝙵𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝙱𝚡𝙱)

Track 63 | 𝗜'𝗹𝗹 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗧𝗼 𝗦𝗮𝘆 𝗜 𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗜𝗻 𝗔 𝗦𝗼𝗻𝗴

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The concrete flew beneath the soles of my shoes, the entire sidewalk morphing into a treadmill set at one hundred miles per hour. My unfastened shoelaces flailed about with every leaping step; I ran out the door so fast that I barely had any time to tie them. I was playing God, risking a violent face-plant with every vast stride.

As I soared onto Washington, I cursed myself repeatedly for not thinking this through in advance. Briefly after my conversation with Mom ended, I immediately bolted out the door without a second thought. I could've taken my bike or called Ari on the phone. But no, I just had to be extra. 

It felt like the end of a chick flick romcom. The penultimate scene where the guy chases after the girl, hoping to win her back. Luckily for me, I already won him over.

I'd debated my feelings for what felt like forever. In these last three months, I've gone through more changes and revelations than the average person does in a lifetime. I've been lost, scared, confused, alone; all the schmaltzy adjectives.

But right now, after almost eighteen years of my life, I feel as though I finally understand something in its entirety. Not everything, but something. Personal and chasmic. 

All my life, I've been juggling different feelings and interests, starting long before I was even aware of it. The one thing I thought would bring me consistency and happiness—music—also had its fair share of doubt.

But Ari... Though I've struggled long and hard to understand what it was, it was forever an immovable fact that I loved him. I just wasn't aware of it. From the moment I met him, I loved him, and I didn't even know it. From our first shared glance at the elementary school, to our first exchange at the movie theater, all the way to our heated argument on the streets of New York, it was always there. It poked through in tiny, seemingly insignificant slivers—looks, small hints in body language, shivers, goosebumps. It disguised itself in many forms: sometimes friendship, sometimes jealousy, sometimes lust; but in the end, it was always love.

I now stand on the precipice of everything Ari and I have been unconsciously working towards, sure and levelheaded in knowing what I know now. All those fleeting moments, all those brief lines of dialogue and bouts of contemplation; they all worked together to guide me, step by step, on my path to assurance. To clear away the cobwebs in my brain and present the naked truth in direct, unadulterated transparency.

'You're doing what you want,' Rosie's voice replays in my head. 'He'd be proud about that.'

'You know what you want,' Eden says, too. 'Get it.'

And lastly, Mom. 

'Tell him. Tell him as soon as you can.'

I couldn't leave it how we left it. Possibly the best (and worst) twenty-four hours of my life concluded with a puny salute and a feeble wave of a hand. Every bone in my body screamed for him—screamed for me to stop him from leaving before he rounded the corner. It may have been only an hour ago, but I was different then. Now, I knew when to take charge. I had to see him one last time.

And luckily, I did see him. 

Several blocks ahead of me, I noticed the familiar outline and framework belonging to my favorite calico-patterned canine in the whole wide world. He may have only been a dot in the distance, but with a squint, I could recognize him anywhere. He seemed to be chaining his bike to the sidewalk.

"Ari!" I yelled aloud, nearly waking up the entire neighborhood. "Ari! Hey!"

He didn't seem to notice. That hearing aid really doesn't do shit.