Chapter 3
When I'm older, I'll be so much stronger
Napapikit ako ng marealize kung ano itong nararamdaman ko.
Tangina.
Eto na lang ba talaga ang buhay ko?
To be always involved with someone who's in a relationship?
This is not the second time this kind of scene happened. Although the first time, hindi naman talaga sila, nililigawan pa lang at may ako. But that's why I decided to end it, because I felt like I was the other girl, yung dahilan na kasiraan ng isang relasyon. It wasn't a good feeling and I'm not proud of it.
This time, he's got a wife and I know that he loves his wife. Alam ko, dahil kinikwneto niya sakin iyon.
He thinks his wife is cheating on him. Again.
And I swear, I didn't think anything at first. It was purely someone asking for my advise. He said he did not told anyone about it. Even on his buddy, John. I admit I felt intimidated, because why would he open up to me? I never had a relationship before! I felt proud because I think his taking my advice seriously and I'm very honest with him.
Regarding with his wife. I told him to be sure first, to check first, not to invalidate his doubts to his wife's action, but I said, paano kung hindi pala totoo at maging dahilan pa yon lalo ng pagkasira nila.
It wasn't his fault that I fell, that I was starting to like him in a different way.
No.
It was my fault for not deciding sooner.
Deciding before I even realized what was happening to me.
I never should've have gotten so close to him
I never should've listened to everything he says, to every problem he opened up.
I should've stopped admiring how he treats women.
I should've stopped comparing him to all guys i've met, that he's more polite and respectful than any of them.
If I stopped at least one decision or one action, maybe I wouldn't be in the same forbidden pit that I was years ago.
I fucking hate this place. It's keeps shouting on my face.
Akala ko alam ko na, "I've learned my lesson", I told myself, never again. I fucking know what I deserve, I fucking know where my place is. Alam ko lahat iyon. I know all the logical reasons.
Tangina, is this another lesson to me?
A recap?
To see if I really have learned my lessons?
