Lavender Mist

In the Mist

Olivia willed her weary body to stand up from a creaky, wooden chair, when she realized that she was left alone in the classroom. She didn't remember a word, that she had heard during classes, neither did her brain keep any part of a lesson. Days, when she could sit through all of the classes in a day with full focus, now seemed unreachable and distant, like something which she had never actually experienced and something that will never happen again. For an entire week, she walked over the same path between her house and school, she hadn't missed any workdays, but all of the long lectures escaped from her head, not holding in it for a single second. She was sitting at the school desk, but she was just an observer in classes. Silent eyes on the side, a shadow that nobody would notice.

However, she was there. Concerned stares of the teachers reminded her that she was seen, that she was real and that maybe someone still wanted to help her. Or that was just a useless hope...

Once, she was the best student in the class, ready to answer any given question, to assist anyone who didn't learn so quickly like her and who needed an explanation for some complex problem. Sometimes, it seemed like teachers noticed her only, while they would heckle the whole class and while she would have a correct answer for everything. But, she went mute. She didn't know how or when, but it seemed like all of her school achievements were just a beautiful, though forgotten dream. Instead, the teachers would sometimes send her glances, which she couldn't understand. Was there confusion, worry or disappointment? Even if she became a problematic student, who doesn't care about grades, at least one of them would do something. They would talk to her parents or herself and try to draw her attention to the changes in her behaviour. But, this time, that wasn't the case. They would rarely look at her in classes and, when it would happen, they wouldn't say a word. They would remain silent, seem frightened to even start a conversation, and then return their focus to the rest of the class. They would stare at her like an impostor or an alien creature. A few times, Olivia wondered if they were scared that she would somehow infect them with her strange illness, by speaking or keeping eye contact for longer than a few seconds. She, herself, wasn't sure if that was possible.

As she stayed all alone after the bell sang and sent every child to their home, Olivia slowly lifted her belongings and headed towards the door. She was forgotten. No one waited for her.

Before she left, she looked back at the desk, at which she sat earlier, for one last time. There had to be a reason of why she was all by herself. Maybe she fell asleep during class and nobody remembered to wake her up? If she did, she couldn't confirm that it was really what happened. She lost the memory of the lesson and she didn't know if she remained conscious throughout the entire lecture.

One side of her hoped that she would come across someone in the hallway (even if it was a complete stranger), whom she could talk to, but she was faced with the same loneliness there, like in the classroom. She saw only one teacher exiting the school, holding a big set of keys in one hand and a paper cup of coffee in another, quickly disappearing through an empty school yard.

After she abandoned the quiet building, Olivia felt a few cold drops of rain falling on her forehead and hair. She tried to ignore them, although she had to occasionally close her eyelids, to prevent water from sliding into her eyes. However, even if that were to happen, it wouldn't matter to her. In a strange way, she missed the feeling of tears, breaking out of her eyes and slowly gliding down her cheeks, since she hadn't been able to cry for a long time. Her body seemed to forget how to exhibit emotions, which she had once known well. She felt like she no longer knew how to genuinely laugh, to drive that stream of tears to get out of her and free herself of the load of worries that she had stored, to show the world what made her happy and sad. She couldn't feel anymore. She was empty.

Half way home, she started to notice a few soaked strands of hair, glued to her neck and face. She could see heavy, storm clouds behind her, like those that filled her head, gradually separating her more and more from the person, that she used to be. As she was accelerating her walk to escape from the thunder and stronger rain, her breath was becoming shallower and faster. The schoolbag full of books and notebooks felt heavier than ever before and pulled her towards the ground. However, Olivia gave her everything to manage to resist that force.