Because I Love You

Chapter Eight: "I saw it coming"

We shouldn’t be together.  No, we can’t be together. 

“Are you all right, baby?”  Josh’s voice snapped Alana out of her reverie.

“Yeah.  Just thinking.”

“About what?”

She turned to face her boyfriend and silently took the time to admire his face.  Having an Australian father and Malaysian mother definitely gave him intriguing and attractive features. 

She bit her lip.  “I don’t think I should talk about it with you right now.”

Josh gently leaned his forehead against hers and brushed his thumb along her bottom lip.  His soft dark hair tickled the sides of her face. 

“Is it about work?” he asked.

Alana’s face reddened under his scrutinizing gaze, and she rolled her eyes as a small smile appeared pulled at her lips.  Of course he would ask about work.  “No.” 

The next week seemed to pass surprisingly quickly.  Work was a blur.  Nothing else major was happening and she no longer saw Gino at joint meetings when her company wanted to work with Solux again.

Stephanie, Daniela and Jessica, her friends from college, constantly fussed over her appetite, which seemed to have miraculously disappeared.  Then they fussed over her attitude, because although shopping and going out with her friends was fun, something kept nagging at the back of her mind.

And Alana knew that that something was Gino.

Josh, however, was completely oblivious, and it was both a comfort and a pain.  As usual, he assumed that her dwindling health and mood was because of stress, being overworked or because she was sick.

The more she thought about Gino, the more the dull ache and emptiness in her chest seemed to intensity.  She hated that feeling.  It was the exact same sensation that had plagued her when she and Gino had broken up because of the distance between them. 

It didn’t help that it didn’t disappear when the weekend, something she usually looked forward to, something that usually helped relieve some of the stress from work, came up. 

Alana plopped her head on her folded arms and stared straight ahead.  No one had ever told her about this.  That ex-boyfriends could constantly pop up in her mind like no tomorrow and give her heart an aching sensation that should not be happening while she was in a relationship.

She knew she was falling in love with Gino again; it wasn't hard.

What was she supposed to do then?  Dump Josh?  It felt like the reasonable thing to do, but what if it didn’t work out with Gino?

Wait, what was she thinking?  Break up with Josh?  She shook her head violently. 

No, I can’t do that.  I’m happy with him… right?

A crease appeared between her brows as she frowned.

Was she happy?  She wasn’t miserable, but her gut was telling her that, perhaps, she’d be happier with Gino.

Alana thought back to the last encounter they had: the dinner he had taken her to after she had made a complete and utter embarrassment out of herself when she opened the door in Josh’s shirt.

“Basically, do you want me to stay in your life?” he had asked.

“I want you to stay, and I’m flattered, Gino.  But I think we should just stay friends.”