*Free verse style*
TW: ED
Food is designed to give us further life,
We eat it as a means to survive and nothing more.
For some reason, food has always been different for me.
It has been a way of comfort and more importantly,
A way of life.
Each afternoon, I'd return home from my day of overthinking to a kitchen of opportunities.
Then I'd binge.
I'd binge until my lungs were stuffed with the thickest carbs money can buy.
I'd binge until my gut was near explosion.
I'd binge until the thoughts slipped away.
A simple eating disorder,
Though not really that simple,
Turned into a full-fledged addiction.
Food was my drug of choice,
No matter how pathetic that may seem.
Picturing an 8-year-old riddled with addiction is probably tough,
But I can tell you it's real.
It's real in the way that I grew at an astonishing rate,
Needing a bra before I even reached the third grade.
It's real in the way that I was referred to as "the monster" by my classmates.
Rehabilitation was tougher than the addiction itself,
It always is.
Daily affirmations.
Endless food logs.
Calorie deficits.
None of it seemed to do much besides remind me of the fact that I was here while everyone else was there.
My parents were in denial.
Denial that their only daughter had turned out just like them, at the height of her youth.
So through it, I went without them.
It was me, my body, and the few people that I love.
Even if they were states away.
Now it has been 118 days.
118 days of bliss, health, and change.
