Forever Won't Be Enough

The Part of Me that can't Forget You

Image credits : impossiblebebong.wordpress.com

Rosella woke up and lay on her bed for a while. For some reason, the only person she could think of was the Pretty Boy. God, he always seemed to be so happy, she thought. It also made her wonder what it it would be like, to be with him. Maybe he could perform miracles, and make her laugh? No, she decided. That was impossible and stupid. Till now, she wasn't foolish enough to trust anyone. But why did she feel like she could trust him? You will never meet him, so you'll never know, she concluded.

She dressed up and borrowed Mrs M's car. The old Mustang definitely belonged in the nineties, but was better than her expectations. With the GPS, and Alaska's lonely roads, it was easy to locate the nearest mall. The sky was grey and gloomy, perfect for her mood.

She stocked up on a few essentials from the drugstore, and then a few winter clothes, which took her nearly two hours. After her shopping, she decided to drive around and get acquainted with the roads, since she had plenty of time left.

Without even realizing it, her mind drifted towards him. She loved him so much, that it hurt. Why didn't she have the nerve to just go and talk to him? Forget it, she couldn't even look at him in the eyes. Coward! , the voice in her mind accused. No, she answered as fiercely as she could. Okay, maybe a little... she added.

She saw an old man in front of her car, and realized she was about to run over him. Adrenaline took over, leading to a long struggle with the steering wheel. Somehow she managed to drive away without hurting anyone and pulled over an empty spot. Her head banged hard against the window. She pressed her hand against the throbbing spot and leaned back on her seat.

How could she be so absent minded? What if someone got hurt? The thought made her shudder. She was mentally exhausted.

Thinking of him always caused her harm, in one way or another. Why was it that she couldn't forget about him despite trying? Time healed all wounds, right? At least it did for others. Maybe it would pity her someday, and help erase him from her mind.

When it was getting dark, she decided to head home. Mrs M helped her with the shopping bags, and sat near her for a while, her eyes full of concern.

'Are you okay, dear?' She seemed hesitant to ask more questions.

'You don't have to worry. I am just tired.' It was impossible to not take a liking towards the old lady. She smiled at her. 'I'll be fine. I think I'll skip dinner and go to bed. Then I could help you plant those new dahlias tomorrow.'

'That would be great. Good night.' Mrs M relaxed.

Rosella simply smiled and nodded at her, before retreating to her bedroom. The truth was, all she needed was a bath. The water would work on calming her nerves. After filling the bathtub with lukewarm water and bath salts, she settled in the bathtub.

Her thoughts consisted of him as usual. The most beautiful boy she had ever seen. She didn't even need a picture to see him in her mind. She used to be so happy looking at him. If he smiled, she would automatically feel happy. She wasn't even aware of her surroundings when he was around. But no matter what, there was the lingering feeling that she wasn't good enough for him. So what if she could never talk to him? She could keep him in her heart and love him there. There would be no harm that way, that's what she had thought.

However,as she was about to leave school, she realized what she was leaving behind. Her heart hurt more than ever. It felt like she was carrying flails in it. The more she thought of him, the more it hurt. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get him out of her mind. It was as impossible as growing wings, or bringing back the dead.

She walked into the dark room, searching for something, though she couldn't remember what she was searching for. A light came on, out of nowhere and she saw a bed. Someone was sitting on it, but all she could see was the person's back. The back seemed familiar, and she kept wondering how to approach the person.

Slowly, he turned towards her. Dressed in all black, he looked amazingly perfect, as usual. He watched her for a while before suddenly pulling her into his arms. He gazed at her with a smile, and ran his hands through her hair. This was something she dreamed of for as long as she could remember and now it was actually happening. He traced her jawline with his thumb. Rose was a little nervous, and felt guilty. Guilty for what, she didn't know. It felt like she was betraying someone. She tried to ignore the feeling.

Just as she was about to kiss him, she felt another hand at her shoulder. She turned away and looked up. The Pretty Boy was standing right there, looking as if he felt sorry for her. She tried to warn him with her eyes and shake his hand off her shoulder. He didn't budge.

She raised her eyebrows, hoping he would get the message and get the hell out of the place. She wasn't going to let him ruin this moment.

Pretty Boy seemed unaffected by her anger. He pursed his lips, shook his head, and said, 'Please don't do this to yourself. Please.'

He hugged her without waiting for an answer. He started disappearing from her arms. 'I love-'

'You love what?' Rose waited for him to complete his sentence, but before he could, everything disappeared. She tried to catch hold of his hand and came up with nothing.

Her eyes flew open and she found herself in the bathtub. Her body was wrinkled and dehydrated from all the water. She stumbled out of the tub, wrapped the towel around herself and immediately fell asleep due to exhaustion.

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