Tell Me That You Need Me × FranSykes ×

Chapter 4 - The Weight Of The World Is Getting Harder To Hold Up.

~ A/N: Trigger warning! I don't any of you getting upset if you're easily depressed! Just making that clear! Anyways enjoy! <3 ~

Oli's POV

After school Josh asked if I wanted to go round his which I gladly accepted. During the past few hours I've been deciphering how I feel towards Josh and it turns out I have fallen for him. But the only thing what was bothering me was how Josh would react if I told him. Would he still be my friend? Or would he decide to turn his back on me?

—

I was pretty shocked that he lived quite near me, well it wasn't really that shocking since we did always bump into each on the way to school. We walked into his house. I was expecting to see his parent's but I didn't, I shrugged it off. "They're probably at work." I thought. We went up to his room and spent time talking to each other, getting to know each other. I was happy for once, not feeling like the entire world was on my shoulders, "Do you have a crush on anyone Oli?" Josh innocently asked, I quickly looked away a blush on my face. I reluctantly answered "I-I do..." A smile broke out onto Josh's face. "Who's the lucky girl!?!" I sighed, "Well it's not really a girl...More like you." I thought. I didn't know whether or not I should tell him. I was still fearful of him walking out and leaving me alone and broken.

"U-Umm...W-Well..." I hesitantly began saying, but Josh's eager voice cut me off "Come on! No need be shy!" I mustered up any courage I could find within my being and I blurted out "I love you Josh Franceschi!" I covered my face blushing immensely, not believing that I had just admitted that. Right to his face as well. I hesitantly looked up, pure shock was written on Josh's face, the smile that was on his face before was now non-existent. "You've gone done it now Oli! You stupid piece of shit!" My mind yelled. I began tearing up, I was trying so hard not to break down. "O-Oli..." I bit my lip, knowing what was going to happen, "I-I'm sorr-" before I could even finish apologizing, Josh yelled "Get out!" I flinched back in fear, a tear running down my face.

I ran out of his house, my heart breaking into millions of tiny little pieces, I was just so hurt. I felt a sob escape my lips, as I ran. I finally reached my house, my breath coming out in harsh pants. I ran to my room, wanting nothing more then to die. I sunk to the floor, letting more and more sobs escape my mouth, I hated it. I hated how fucking weak I was. All the thoughts that I kept locked away for so long suddenly burst out, one event. Just one event was able to bring out all the dark thoughts I locked away.

~ Trigger warning! ~

I shakily walked into my bathroom, beginning to dig through my cupboard just searching for anything that could possibly ease the emotional pain I was going through. I soon pulled out a razor, I had no idea how it got there but I was glad that I found it. I felt that it was all my fault, that I fucked up the friendship I had with Josh. "Now he's gonna tell everyone, your such a fuck up Oli!" I felt more tears prick at my eyes, the urge to hurt myself growing with each moment.

"Do it! No one cares about you anyway! Your worthless piece of shit!" The voice inside my mind scornfully said. My grip tightened on the razor, "You deserve it!" The voice said again. I was actually beginning to believe the voice. I did deserve it. I then brought the razor above my wrist, then I sliced. The emotional pain being replaced by the physical pain. The feeling it brought left me on cloud nine.

One cut - For being a fuck up.

A Second cut - For screwing everything I had with Josh up.

A Third cut - For existing.

A Fourth cut -  For being gay.

And a final cut for giving into to the urge to do this.

I sunk onto the floor and dropped the razor, placing my face on my knees, I then cried into my knees.

I then put the razor away, beginning to search for the First Aid kit.

"No one must know..." I thought.

Josh's POV

"I love you Josh Franceschi!" Oli spoke, loud and clear. But the sudden confidence disappeared as he went ahead and covered his blushing face with his hands. I felt the smile that was on my face moments ago fell, I had no idea what to say to that. I knew how Oli meant it. But I just couldn't believe that Oli was gay. I noticed he looked up at me, but I saw his tearful eyes I did feel a pang of regret at how I was reacting but I was just so shocked.

"O-Oli..." I said. Not knowing what else to say other than his name. "I-I'm sorr-" I cut him off "Get out!" I yelled at him. I couldn't believe it. He even flinched. A tear started running down his face and I wanted to wipe that tear away and pull him into my arms and apologize for shouting at him, but I didn't I just looked away once I heard him get off the bed and begin running out of the house. I gripped my face, screaming into my hands once I heard the door slam shut.

I then laid down on my bed, my parent's were always home late. I didn't care though as my thoughts drifted to what just happened, the broken look in Oli's eyes. I practically broke him with my reaction, I felt guilt begin to claw its way up, I had no idea how I felt towards him. I mean I wanted to protect him from pain, I wanted to make sure he was okay, I loved him in a brotherly way. But that recent event made me doubt whether or not the love for him I felt was brotherly or something more. I sighed, turning onto my side and then I let my eyes close as I fell asleep.

—

I walk into school the next day, sighing. I went over to my locker, seeing Oli there "Hey!" I said to him but all he did was look up at me, I saw tears fill his eyes and he also nervously began messing with his sleeves before he suddenly turned and walked away. I was confused. Normally he would've replied...

"I love you Josh Franceschi!"

The words from last night echoed in my head. I remembered how I reacted and how I broke his heart. I instantly felt the guilt claw at me.

—

I tiredly made my way into my home, my parents where actually home for once. Not like I cared right now. All I could feel was guilt and it was eating me up. I walked up to my room, lifelessly dropping onto my bed. "How could you do that to him Josh?" My mind said, I turned onto my side, not knowing how to reply. My thoughts began drifting to Oli once again. I then began to remember how I felt around Oli, I was happy, more happier then I would've been with anyone else. After a few moments of thinking, I then realized one thing.

I was in love with Oli.

~ A/N: My longest chapter yet! Over 1000 words! Wow I'm completely shocked at how much I wrote! I actually thought of all this during Physics and I kinda like drifted off since we was just going through a TEST. Anyway I'd liked to thank everyone who has read the fanfic so far! Love you all <3 ~