friends to lovers - headcannons (cross posted on tumblr)
request: yes
first of all, he is so self deprecating you'll probably have to make the first move.azriel would be content to suffer in silence for the rest of eternity if only it meant he got to spend it in your presence. your friendship already means so much to him, he wouldn't want to risk it by being selfish.because that's what he considered his happiness- selfishness.in all honesty, you probably know of his affections.he loves to think he's subtle, but he's not. like ... at all.you enter a room, he's automatically on high alert for your safety. even if your a full fledged warrior like himself or cassian, he would still want to shield you from harm. you break something, he's the first to clean it up. you want to go out, he's corralling everyone into the bar all to see you smile.you think it's painful, truly. but you're also incredibly confused.if he likes you as much as you think he does, why hasn't he said anything to you. you hang out all the time. sometimes with the rest of the inner circle, sometimes with just the two of you.he is so hell bent on keeping things platonic that it's contradictory, and it makes your head spin. you'd try to flirt with him, and he'd be the one to shut you down.it makes your head spin.i feel like it would all come to a head at a party of some sort.years and years into your confusing relationship, you've given up trying to figure the elusive spymaster out. you're going to have fun, and if that means taking another man or woman to bed, then so be it.you had been faithful to him while your little crush had blossomed, using your fingers to get off if you ever needed release, but you had had enough.you're dancing, the strangers hands are on your hips and you're grinding into their crotch."let's take this somewhere else, yeah?" they whisper in your ear.you smirk, turning your head to face them, "and where would that be, hm? my place?"they smile back at you, "i thought you'd never ask."when you're about to crap the strangers hand, you bump into a hard surface."she won't be going anywhere with you. get out."people know better than to say no to rhysand a right hand man, the stranger leaves immediately. you, a little more than tipsy, are not pleased with azriels feather pudding display."what the fuck was that for."he is silent, absolutely silent. it makes you want to scream.grabbing his arm you drag him into a more private space. you have kept this in for years, years, and you've had enough."are you finally ready to talk about this thing between us or not?""i don't know what you're talking about," he says."you think i don't know azriel? you think i don't see the way you look at me when you think i'm not looking? how you take care of me when i'm drunk? how you always go out with me even when your exausted? do i need to explain what attraction is to you,""don't talk to me like i'm stupid.""THEN STOP ACTING LIKE IT! every time i try to reach out to you, you shut me down. i want you azriel, i want you so bad that it hurts. and i think, maybe, just maybe, you want me half as much as i want you and then you just ... fizzle""i - what?" you huff, motioning aimlessly with your hands."you fizzle. a spark gets lighted within you, and for a second it looks like it'll burn through you until you're - i don't know, going to tell me how you feel, and then you just ... fizzle."azriel was at a loss for words. you had been paying more attention than he thought. he was at such a loss for words, the only thing his brain could force out of his mouth was, "how do i feel.""oh gods," you muttered. "you love me, azriel. you've loved me for years and i only know what because i love you too."now ... forgive the poor boy here he might actually have a heart attack. like literally azriel.exe had stopped working.he kinda just ... twitches. LIKE HE CANT EVEN CONTROL IT HES FREAKING OUT."say it azriel. it's okay to say it, i am quite literally begging you to say it."it takes him a bit, his mouth gaping open and closed like a fish."i ... love you.""again. i'm not sure i heard you the first time.""i love you."you can only smile and launch yourself into his arms."i love you too you fucking idiot. now kiss me."kiss you he does.
