Embrace (Rocky x Chase)

Chapter 2- Diagnosis

"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" Rocky aggressively berated himself in his mind as he smashed his head into the wall of his kennel, "that was so fucking stupid!"

Of course the one time he lost control, the only time in days, the very minute his self-restraint dropped, was when he kissed Chase. There was probably no greater mistake he could ever make in his entire life other than being born. The night was supposed to be warm and inviting, a moment of peace for the two dogs, a time where Rocky could finally vent and get some feelings out.

It was all ruined in a second, at least for Rocky it was. Chase didn't have as violent of a reaction as the mutt assumed he would, at least not at first.

-.-

Chase jumped back as if he stepped on a nail, eyes widened in shock, "Rocky what the hell?! You can't just do things like that!" Blush was already creeping across his muzzle.

Rocky gave a small shrug, shyly pawing at the ground. Without thinking, a small chuckle escaped his mouth, almost like he already knew: his relationship with the Shepherd was destroyed, and now he'd never feel his love again.

"You know what your problem is?!" Chase barked, "you need help! But you've gone so long without it you've spiraled into this..." he gestured with his paw, seemingly sizing up the mutt, "...mess that you are. You have a life and you're letting it wither away and die!"

Rocky shrugged again, suddenly feeling dizzy, "alright with me,"

"But I'm not going to let that happen," the Shepherd calmed himself with a sigh, "it's long overdue but I'm going to get you the help you need."

The mixed-breed suddenly snapped back to focus, now he was the one surprised, "I don't need it."

"Yes, you do,"

"I don't want your help,"

"Rocky I'm never going to sleep again if you died overnight and I could've prevented it."

"Why would you do that for me though?" the mutt countered, narrowing his eyes, "why have you been doing anything for me? What makes me special that you don't join the others in tearing me up every day?"

The police dog collected himself and leaned his head back a little, seemingly channeling his stature as a German Shepherd, "because it's the right thing, and I care about you."

The mutt hung his head in shame, wandering his eyes over to a broken pup treat on the floor.

"You're mentally ill and psychologically damaged," the Shepherd continued, "you've gone months under severe depression and low self-esteem-"

"How can you say that though?" Rocky stood up, "what makes you think that?"

"Rocky, I can see it on you," the Shepherd pointed out, "your fur, it's a fair assumption that you aren't taking care of yourself."

"What if that's just how I want to live my life?"

"Then sue me for caring about you and being concerned,"

Those words washed over Rocky like a gentle breeze in spring. Chase had no idea just how badly Rocky desired him, and even worse, he considered the kiss a result of mental derangement, and Rocky's heart broke a little more realizing his feelings may never become a reality.

It wouldn't stop his dreams, though,

The mutt was already feeling personally offended at Chase's rather abrupt desire to "fix" him. Was that how Rocky appeared? Like some stupid slider puzzle that needed to be configured in the right direction before it worked as intended? His inner demons had risen from years of trauma and withheld feelings, watching as the world around him treated him like trash until he just got used to it. He hardly believed Chase could "fix" that, and he was more than ready to tell the Shepherd to piss off with his offer. 

"I don't need your help," he stated, growing angry,

"Rocky, please," Chase pleaded, "we can get away from this tower, find places just for us, and we can talk until the sun goes down. I want to get you out of here but I don't have the options yet!"

Rocky was about to fire off a list of snarling reasons why Chase's plan was about as useful as Rocky himself until he stopped upon hearing that. His ear nudged upward, Chase's words echoing in his head.

Get away from the tower... A place just for us.

"Just for us..." the mutt repeated, 

"Yes, us," Chase nodded, "no Marshall, Zuma, Rubble, Syke, no one. Just us."

The thought of fleeing from the toxic hell that was the Lookout and meeting up with Chase in a private location was making Rocky's heart pound. Private, alone time, with not a single jerk in sight to make a crude remark, now that was something to enjoy. After a long moment of consideration, with Chase holding his steady gaze, Rocky made his decision. 

"Alright, fine," he submitted,

"Great!" Chase wagged his tail, "I'm happy I can do this for you. I don't want you slipping off somewhere I can't pull you from, where you go crazy and kiss people for no reason,"

If only he knew.

-.-

Chase wished him well and sent Rocky to bed after their conversation. He retired back to his kennel but didn't sleep. He never slept, just paced in circles around his den like a blinded turtle. He couldn't sleep, he didn't allow himself to if he could help it. Sleeping was a prison of its own, a drag into a dark swirl of nightmares. Yet now he wondered if throwing himself back into his nightmares was a better alternative than remembering the past few hours throughout the night. He kissed his crush, and the Shepherd, as fucking perfect he was, though it was the result of mental instability. How absolutely perfect, the stars really aligned for that one. A dark feeling in his gut only churned harder the more he thought of it.

He would do everything he could to prevent himself from slipping away into slumber, and nothing kept him awake better than walking from corner to corner of the kennel. His stomach painfully growled in empty hunger, another reliable factor to keep him awake. He rarely ate, why would he? Only important dogs get food.

Sighing, the mix stared ahead at a wall clock he built from spare parts, counting the hours as they ticked by. It was barely midnight, but the time would go on like it always did, slowly pulling Rocky along a plane of meaningless existence until he died. He couldn't die tonight though, Chase promised before he left they could go out somewhere to get away.

"Guess I live another day," sighed the mutt, hanging his head,