Embrace (Rocky x Chase)

Chapter 5- Under the Orange Sky

Static. Screaming. Shame. Confusion. Pain. Rocky's head churned with a violent torrent river as he hobbled out into the sand. He tried to configure his head to focus on something else, the cool sand, the pieces of trash that littered the beach, the gentle waves of the ocean, standing up even. He couldn't hear the sound of his own voice, his breathing refused to slow, and he was overcharged with festering pain that would never leave.

The sky was a bleeding orange from the rising sun, never before had a morning been so terrifying. He really didn't want to leave his kennel after the other night, although he mustered the strength to be there for Chase. He tried to soothe his mind, attempting to bring an image of Chase's bright smile into his head. Every time, the image went to static, reshaping itself into the unforgettable sight of Zuma leering down, a hungry and malicious look in his eyes. The inflicted trauma of that night would never leave him, looming over like a dark storm cloud. Rocky could only imagine what Dakota would think, and his writhing agony only increased at the realization that he was nowhere near the dog his brother wanted him to be. His legs gave way, and the ruined mix collapsed into the sand.

Chase eventually drove up in his rig, parking on the side of the road. Hopping out of his vehicle, the Sheperd traversed through the grass into the sand.

"Hey, you got here before me," he smiled, walking over to the mix, "why are you lying in the sand like that?"

At the sound of Chase's voice, Rocky's head seemed to clear away, but he feared when the storm would return. Hobbling to his paws, he spoke with a weary voice, "I just wanted to... see what it looked like down here,"

"Well it's a mess, that's for sure," the Shepherd confirmed, looking out at the littered beach, "everyone will appreciate you for this,"

"Doubt it,"

Chase frowned at his friend's lack of enthusiasm, "I showed Ryder the fixed Pup pad, you should've seen their faces."

Images of last night flashed within Rocky's mind, and he kicked himself for agreeing to take that equipment from Chase. He should've just thrown it away.

"Hey, you alright?" the Sheperd's amber eyes softened,

"I just... had a bad night," Rocky breathed,

Chase walked over, closing the distance between him and Rocky. Sitting down next to him in the sand, the mix felt the other dog's fur brush against his own. For a brief moment, the agony within him seemed to calm.

"Rocky, please," Chase softly whispered, "we've been meeting up a lot, and..." he shook his head at a loss for words, "I'd like to help, I want to know what's going on,"

Rocky stiffened at those words, an old fear returning to him yet again. Chase couldn't know, no one could. If they ever got even a glimpse of his inner self, he'd be cast out to the streets. Maybe the Paw Patrol hated him now, but at least they let him stick around for personal entertainment. The smallest look inside his head would break all of that, he had to keep his thoughts locked away indefinitely.

"I can't," sighed the mix, "I just can't, I'm sorry,"

The Shepherd frowned, his ears lowering, "why though? I'm here for you," his soft words nearly brought tears to Rocky's eyes, mountains of self-control were called forward to keep his lips from quivering. Slowly moving his head, he met the Shepherd's gaze. In an instant, the world around them quieted, and Rocky longed to be embraced by his friend.

"Really?" he asked, voice barely above a whisper,

Chase smiled and nodded gently, "of course,"

Swallowing down his anxiety, Rocky felt himself losing control. But was he truly losing control, or was he acting off inner desire he pushed away in denial? Rocky didn't understand anything about himself anymore, all he wanted now was Chase.

"Do you think I'm weird?" Rocky silently asked, looking away from his crush,

"Absolutely not," Chase reassured, intertwining their tails together, "you're you."

"Am I though? Sometimes I can't even tell,"

Chase tilted his head in confusion.

"My head... it just, goes static," the mix confessed, "I see these flashes, these images, and the world just..." he winced, "everything just starts screaming at me," he continued, "I can't even tell what's real anymore, one minute I'm in my kennel, then I'm suddenly outside, surrounded by blood and loud noises."

Rocky knew he was oversharing, every instinct was telling him to shut up and drown himself in the ocean's salty abyss. Chase couldn't know anything, but now he was, and Rocky grew more and more anxious with every word that left his mouth.

"My brother once killed a dove in front of me," Rocky whimpered, "I can't stop seeing it, it was so beautiful, such a kind little bird," tears began to fall as his voice cracked, "and he murdered it. He just murdered it without a thought," he looked over at Chase, who was listening with a concerned expression, "growing up all I ever saw was what my brother did. He was... harsh, but I know he meant well."

Chase tilted his head, "meant well? It doesn't sound like he did,"

"He was trying to teach me things," Rocky explained, "he was showing me how to grow up as a stray, how to hunt and scavenge, clearly things I was going to need after he died." he gave a long sigh, "two full weeks of being alone, having no one but the voices in my head,"

"But we found you," Chase tried to reassure him,

"I know," Rocky rested his chin on the cool sand, "I just want all the madness to go away, I want to be free of these stupid feelings and emotions," a silent sob escaped from him, "I want to die, Chase." The Shepherd affectionately rubbed his cheek against the mix's face, trying to console his friend in any way he could.

Rocky felt himself melting from the touch, and a confession leaked from his lips, "oh, Chase, it's always been you," he shut his eyes, burying his chin into the sand, "I wish you could take me away from all this,"

Chase suddenly picked his head up, "huh? What do you mean?'

Upon realizing that his inner feelings had slipped just a neck too far, Rocky jumped up from his position, "no, I mean-" he stuttered, trying to find an explanation, "I don't... like you, like that, I meant something else," his heart sank from the blatant lie.

Chase sat wide-eyed, struggling to process the words being thrown in his face. He knew exactly what he heard, his ears perfectly absorbed Rocky's confession. Was it true? Did Rocky have real feelings for him?

"Oh, okay," Chase frowned, pretending to believe Rocky's lie. He thought it over the other night, his mind swimming with confusion and uncertainty. He wouldn't be entirely opposed to forming a relationship with Rocky, but he knew it would put the mix in even greater danger from the others, especially himself. Furthermore, he was still in the process of determining his own romantic identity, as the kiss the two shared still danced in his head.

"I'm sorry, Rocky," the Shepherd stood up, "I... I am."

"Why apologize for something that you didn't do?"

"I'm not apologizing as if I did," he walked over, closing the distance between them, "it's because you had to go through all you did. No one should have to grow up like that."

"You did though," Rocky pointed out, "and you turned out fine,"

Chase was briefly stunned at the ludicrous statement, flashing Rocky an odd look, "I turned out fine?" he chuckled slightly, "Rocky I am far from perfect,"

"You're not me,"

"It's the imperfections that make us perfect, you know," Chase pointed out, "I heard that in a movie once."

Rocky just hung his head at the statement, "I'm fucking garbage,"

The police dog sighed, and leaned forward to gently lick Rocky's nose, prompting the mix to blush, "I'm sorry you think that, but you're amazing at many things. If you'll have me, I'd like to be here for you."

The mix looked away, a red blush creeping along his face, "okay."

"Alright," Chase wagged his tail, "come on, let's clean this beach."