The Girl Who Cried Wolf.

READ ME.

TRACKS:

MANSION & HOPE (NF)

Read to the end of this chapter for closure and more understanding.

This book is as chaotic as I wanted it to be!

My inspiration for choosing the main character came from an anime called 'Akudama Drive.'

I'd realized, at the end of the anime, that the main character wasn't the selfless girl but rather a 500 yen coin.

And I thought, why not use that?

So, if you'd noticed, the main character of this book wasn't Tart, Death, or the new boy in the end.

It was something I'd introduced in the first and last few lines of the book.

The red pen.

Fascinating, isn't it?

Now, let's get down to the gritty parts.

You may have noticed in this book that I didn't give any of my characters real names.

The characters were:
-Tart, which means whore or prostitute (which is what everyone in her school called her), followed by
-Death, the serial killer, who was actually death itself,
-Voice, her inner/intrusive thoughts,
-Friend, who, in reality, represented life and, of course,
-The red pen, which was a symbol of mental illness.

Let me explain.

Tart had toyed with death for so long, cutting and harming herself but never putting herself in any real danger, as if the worst would never really happen.

If you noticed, from time to time, Voice mentioned Tart killing herself a couple of times, but Tart never did.

She was a victim of mental health illness. Not the type you should be heavily sedated and medicated or treated differently for, but the type many, many people struggle with today.

I would name it if I knew what it was called, believe me. All I know is how it feels.

Tart was always running from real, dangerous situations.

It was why I introduced Friend, that is, life, to open her eyes and heart.

That's what life does to many people. It reaches out, appearing and reappearing to give hope that being brave enough to let go of the fear is the best thing that could happen to them.

In as much as many try to disappear -thinking and believing that they don't deserve to live- the reality is they want to be found.

They just don't know the way, and trying out new, positive things is strange. The dark is their safe haven.

It's why I referred to it as 'peaceful chaos' in the last chapter.

That is where Tart comes in to represent.

She was always running from Life. It wasn't her normal. Real smiles and happiness were as foreign as aliens to her.

It didn't have to matter whether it was how she'd felt from her childhood or if the feeling snatched her up at some point in her life.

It was who she was now, and the intensity was just as strong.

She couldn't imagine who she could possibly be without the negative in her life, and the thought of change terrified her more than anything.

She was scared of facing her fears and problems, so she needed to stick with something she'd made herself familiar with, even if it killed her.

And then she met Death.

Real Death.

He came for her, dragging her down and plaguing her with abuse. He gave her what she thought she'd always wanted.

It was through the struggle that she realized the severity of her situation.

This wasn't a choice anymore, where she could tip the blade off her wrist and clean the blood away.

This time, her hands were tied. Death gave her her supposedly greatest wish.

In the end, Friend finds her at the last moment and asks her to hold on. She was asking Tart to hold on to her, that is, life.

It's a mockery of how the little things that don't matter to us become the most precious gems we wish we'd treasured.

Tart realises too late that she could still have reached a hand out for help instead of hoarding her pain and despair on the inside --an intangible, gluttonous, and insatiable disease that was eating her inside out.

The poem I spoke of at the end of the last chapter, which was when the new victim of mental illness was introduced, was one Friend would write with him.

The part I wrote, "...the kind of poem she wants them to write."

She would do her best to save him, and she does.

He would become the type of 'poem' people with similar struggles would 'read' to have hope.

I don't exactly know how to explain that, but if you get it, you get it.

But make no mistake, the poem Friend read off the board was written by Tart, not the new boy. It was Tart's last unintentional cry for help.

Sorry, I didn't write it all out in an epilogue. Currently, I can't explain how positive things end. ;)

Before Tart dies, Death promises not to touch Friend and goes on with his life, looking for the next victim.

But why can't he touch Friend?

Because Death cannot exist without Life.

Someone who doesn't exist in the first place cannot die.

In this story, the point was to highlight how essential and beautiful life can be.

Don't let the problems you have eat you up.

If you can't stop the noise in your head, do something.

If you can't talk, write something.

If you can't smile, fight for a frown.

Why?

Because either way, you'll be scared.

So, if you're brimming with the fear of breaking free from the hurt and noise, force yourself to walk the path scared. You might be terrified with nothing and no one to hold on to, but don't stop.

Walk scared.

Write scared.

Paint scared.

Frown scared.

And be proud of your progress.

One day, you'll look back and see that fear made you stronger.

You'll never be as young as you are now, and when you've grown, you'll regret not giving your younger self a chance.

Don't hold yourself back.

No one expects you to be happy -most people aren't- so dig your fingers in, pull up the corners of your lips, and smile scared.

I'll be here, smiling with you.