That's Life

28

Danny POV

I'm gonna start off by saying I should've successfully killed myself.

None of this would've happened if I was successful it's been a little over a year since I left and moved away. Initially I stopped leaving my house for about 6 months.

At the time while out one night some dick head knocked me over the head. I woke up on the concrete with my sweats at my ankles and my abdomen in pain.

I knew what happened but I couldn't process it. I couldn't accept it.

I went home and ignored the pain, ignored the constant memories my drunken self captured. I started getting sick from what I believed was the thought of that night.

Now another 6 month later, I have a beautiful babygirl which is the reason I left. Her name is Jazmoni. Yes I will admit she is named after Jas but with a twist.

I went through the depression and disgust with myself I almost lost her during pregnancy when I lost myself and finally realized she's the light at the end of my tunnel. Jaz(Jazmoni) looks like me more than anyone which I'm extremely grateful for. Who knew me, Danny, would have a damn kid.

Oh and not to toot my own horn...toot. This figure has gotten nothing but thicker, I'm talking ass, titties, and tummy bud I'm working on that.

Shey knows about me being...assaulted and she knows about Jazmoni. She's the best Aunty EVER and there isn't more I could ask her for.

She helped me move away and helped while I went through depression. I struggled processing the pregnancy and rape at the same time. When I was hiding in my house I felt disgusting and learning I was pregnant didn't help.

Shey is who talked me out of aborting Jaz which I can only be grateful for. Shey has been here every step of the way and is the reason I'm closer to being happy than I was.

I didn't move too far away only about an hour and a half drive which Shey used to make damn near everyday without complaints. She brings me papers from the shop to sign and go over then brings them back and runs things there while I do so...here. She's the face and enforcement while I look over papers and numbers outside.

I plan to go back, I have to go back, I'm just scared. Most night I get nightmares and initially I always felt like I was being watched. Shey would come here and I'd be curled in a ball sleep deprived and for a while I couldn't sleep unless Shey was here and I'd have to be the one asleep first.

Truthfully, I'm just not ready yet.

Other than that, I do miss Jas. I plan on speaking to her and being honest. One thing I don't want is for her to be scared off by Jaz and I won't be hiding my child either.

A kid is a lot for some people and I want to let her know that I can't get hurt again but I can't forget her either. Shey tells me she still asks about me even a year and half later. She wants to know where I am and damn near begs Shey to tell her but I can't. Not yet.

Jas meant a lot to me and it hurt for her to do that to me. I felt things with her that I didn't feel with fems that I've dated before. I was willing to put my pride aside but it just took time.

Especially now that I have a daughter, I can't walk into situations like that again. If I welcome her into my life I am going to be driving the boat and she can't do what she did to me before.

Jas POV

It's officially been three years. I don't know what to do anymore. Do I give up or do I keep trying? The only reason I'm still asking is because of Crystal because I wouldn't lost hope by now, I have.

I feel like she doesn't want me anymore I feel alone all the time, I feel empty all the time. I don't want to give up and move on but I don't want to keep hurting like this waiting on someone that, at this point, might never come back.

Danny POV

"Mama!" Jaz yells running down the hallway.

"Yes baby" I pick her up.

"PANCAKE" she starts clapping too damn close to my ear.

"Okay pancakes. Are you helping me today?"

"Yes!"

I walk down stairs with her on my hip. I sit her on the counter while cleaning my hands then give her the needed supplies. We start mixing the batter, definitely not without a mess, and once it's done we start cooking.

"Baby" she looks at me "mama is having a...friend come over today"

"Who is it?" She asks and I look at the pancakes that's are cooking, thinking about an answer.

"Uh.." there's no point in lying. "She used to be mommys girlfriend"

"Girlfriend!?" I try keeping myself from laughing at the shock that develops on her face.

"Yes girlfriend, is that okay if she comes here to see us?"

I look at her waiting for an answer but she gets shy.

She whispers "she nice?"

I smile "yes baby especially to you because you have the same nickname!!" I put the finished pancakes on a plate before walking over to her. "Mommy wouldn't let anyone be mean to her baby girl anyway because I love u Jaz got it?"

She looks up at me with a small smile "got it"

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