Love, High-On! | | JJK

13

It takes me five minutes to find a corner where the music wouldn't blast. I don't know why I care if Jungkook knows where I am. Well because he is going to inform my father and I am going to have a little dirty trouble—at least that's what I convince myself with.

I look around and see very less people around me. I can take the call here.

"What?" The first thing I speak on the call and he doesn't sound surprised anymore. It's as if he has normalized getting straight to the point with me.

"Wanted to know if you took those medicines." Silence falls over on both the ends of the call and I can't hear the music or any other noises. It's too silent.

"So, did you?" He asks again receiving no reply from me on his first attempt.

"Yeah... I was about to." I run a hand through my hair. It feels like deceiving and I'm almost shocked I still have some of my conscience that it feels wrong to lie.
I don't know why it should bother me but it does actually.

A very stupid part inside me is about to tell him that I haven't even touched his medicines and I'm out here doing stuffs he wouldn't want me to do.

But that stupid part gets interrupted when a voice close to me speaks.

"There you are, Girly." The voice almost makes me jump out of my place. My phone almost hits the ground.

Almost.

Before I catch it.

I turn to the voice and I suddenly wished I never came here. It was so certain that I would see him.

He wouldn't leave this chance of meeting me.

"Vincent-" His name leaves my lips in a whisper. I take a step back and I hate how weak and scared I really am right now. I clutch the phone tightly in my hands.

"It's so good to see you here." He grins, takes a step closer. I take a step back.
I can't show I am scared. It's now or never. I had to face him someday. I need to be brave. He can't do anything to me. Not anymore. I am strong. I am not that old pathetic little girl anymore.

I look around but luck is not on my side today. The two to four people who were here before when I came are also gone now. I am alone with him.

I am alone. I am alone. Iamalone. iamalone.

No no. Don't be afraid.

"I... I need to use the washroom. Excuse me."

Fuck you! What a coward bitch.

The devil mocks me.

But I guess I won't miss a chance to at least try to go away. That's the only thing to enter my mind. I have to go to a much crowdy place. I am too scared to be alone with him.

I try to walk past him but he holds my wrist. It takes everything inside me to not flinch at his touch and keep my heart in place. But it starts hitting against my chest in sharp beats. My stomach coils painfully. I want nothing more than to disappear from here.

"Are you running from me, baby?" I close my eyes and take a deep breathe. It's alright. Don't panic. Don't panic.

You're fine. We are fine.

No fuck, we are not.

I think I might be having a panic attack. Everything from that night starts flashing through my mind and I can't breath. White dots form in my vision. I can't see anything. The blood rush is too fast. My heart is going to explode. I feel trapped inside my body.

"No" My voice is shaky. I want to punch him. I want to beat the hell out of him but I don't know why I can't do that. All these years I have gone through this scenario a billion times in my head. I had thought thoroughly how I was going to punch him the second I saw him, then he would apologize feeling guilty. I won't forgive him and walk away leaving him in his guilt. And I would be free from that memory.

But none of that happens. I haven't punched him and he doesn't show a single hint of guilt.

"We met after so long. Won't you even greet me properly?" He turns me around and I'm standing too close to him. I can't breathe in his presence. I can't breathe when I am so close to him. "Leave my hand Vincent." I finally muster up the courage and try to pull my hand back from his grip. He's too powerful for me though. His grip only tightens, his nails dig in my flesh. I bite back a wince. I won't give him any reactions. I won't let him know what he is doing to me.

He pulls me closer and his face is close. His other hand come around my waist. I feel so disgusted. I could rip off my skin right now. No. I am not letting this happen again to me. "Last time. Let go of me." My voice comes out harsher than expected. His jaw tightens. He leans his face closer to me.

"And what if I don't? What will the little Birdy do? Fight me? Go ahead."

Fight him?

Maybe, this time I will. Suddenly, courage rushes through my veins.
I don't break the intense eye contact. I lift my leg kicking my knee in his balls. He stumbles backward grunting hard in pain. He lets out curses from his mouth glaring at me. Rage takes all over him but he says nothing.

"Touch me again and watch me turn you into ashes, Vincent." I gritted out. And I meant that sentence with every single cell inside my body.

I can feel the heat from his stare. I turn around rushing out of the place with hurried steps. "You Bitch. You'll pay for this." His voice feels distant. The sound of music increases and I breathe hard knowing that I am far from him now.

But I can't stay here for longer. He would get back to me. I am ashamed of myself. This is how I'm standing up for myself? I know I will never be able to run from him enough. The only solution is for me to stand right in front of him and show him his place. However, I'm too weak for that now. I don't believe in myself. I am not in my senses. I am not strong. And I am afraid I'll disappoint myself more if I try to take any actions.

I wish I was another girl. More confident. More smart. More courageous. Better. Anything but myself.

I walk out of this place and I know what I am going to do once I find a silent corner.

Just going to be high on something. Anything that would take my mind off these hurtful memories and anything that would take my pain away.

Tears are right on the edge. And once again I can feel my heart breaking. And it hurts physically. I can't even walk properly. I feel the need to take a bath. I can still feel Vincent's touch on my skin. And it's so disgusting that I can slice my skin off right now.

Why it's always me?

People have ups and downs in their lives but I only have downs in mine. Who the hell took all the ups.

Tears sting in the back of my eye. No matter how hard I try not to think of everything that has happened, the memories bind themselves around my spine crawling all over me. They won't leave me alone.

"Y/n! Y/n!"

I halt on my place lifting my head to look at the source of the voice.

Instantly, it's silent. Breeze flows across my cheeks. I can't hear the loud music. Everything gets too call.

Relief washes over me with subtle waves. The comfort settles deep in my gut. I am still breathing too hard. My heart is still beating too hard. But I no longer feel like I am in danger.

It feels like..... I am fine. We're fine.

"Jungkook—"